Anonymous wrote:"I know that DC's relationship with him will suffer ..."

OP, you better think long and hard about this. You are knowingly admitting your son will SUFFER because you don't like the way your ex communicates/doesn't communicate with you.

Your son's relationship with his father (no matter how flawed you may think it is) is fundamental to his healthy development. Why do you want to damage your son that way?

+1 What is your priority, OP? Your post and all of your responses (through page 4) show that you are doing this because of you, not your kid. When you start talking about your kid more and you less then I'll be able to respect you on this topic. Right now I can only feel really badly for your son that you are so immature that you're willing to derail his relationship with his father to feed your own ego. That's a pretty shi77y way to treat your kid.

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Anonymous wrote:Also seen it happen that a Mom can make a Dad miserable over the smallest, most trivial interaction, to the extent that he stops communicating at all with the Mom, for his own peace. Not saying that is the case here, but it can happen.

DP. How interesting that the advice to the mom is "bend over backwards and do whatever is necessary to prop up your child's relationship with his/her father even when the father acts indifferent to the kid and rude to you," while the message re dads is "if you don't like how your ex talks to you, it's normal to cut off contact with your kid."

Not saying this is the case for OP, but here's the situation I witnessed. DH did not cut off communication with his child's mother, but did stop taking phone calls and texts. Email only. Emails were pared down to the simplest statements. Even so, drama abounded, and I could see his ex pretending to have the same complaints as this OP, and getting support for it.

Actual example, DH sends email that says plainly, "The school pics you sent were bent in the mail. Can you please send me the ordering info so I can order new ones myself?" Response was several paragraphs long about how she went out of her way to send pics to him and his parents, and now she is accused of bending them, and how dare he, after everything she does, complain about this, etc.

Oh, and I wanted to add: so then DH is like, I can write back and say "Thanks for sending pics. Can I have the ordering info?" OR I can just call the school and find out the name of the photo company and call them, circumventing the mom altogether, which is what he ended up doing, because that's less drama. And I have about a bazillion more examples like this where dealing with the mom just wasn't worth the trouble. But on her end, she's like "I send pics and I get no appreciation! He can't even communicate with me like an adult!" LOL.

LOL he's an idiot. She makes it a hassle for him specifically BECAUSE she's tired of doing those things for him. I'd bet that if she said politely "you can call the school and get the ordering information", he'd throw a fit that she's not helping. The only way to get him to actually do anything is make it more difficult for him to ask her to do it.

+1. She's not his secretary, and he can get the ordering info from the school. He's not "circumventing" her by taking care of his own menial tasks himself. But sure, give him a gold star for figuring out how to obtain school pics of his kid without the assistance of another adult.

First, he'd need to know that the school pics were taken, and that the ordering packet was sent home to the mom. If you're intent on being a B, that might be why your ex-DH avoids communicating with you at all costs.

The idea it’s not possible for a grown ass man to figure out how to add his email to the class notification list is absurd.

He's on the email list. But the photo ordering packet goes home to the mom. She knows this, and instead of sharing the info, creates drama.

So yes, in a toxic situation, the ex must follow the calendar to find out when picture day is, call the school to get the photo order info. So that's what he does.

In a normal, healthy situation, mom would receive the photo order packet, simply take a pic of the info and forward.

The fact that you're hurling insults tells me all I need to know about what kind of situation you have.

I'm one of the PPs you responded to. My situation is that I share 50/50 custody, so often things sent home like photo packets go to my xH. Rather than expect my xH to do everything for me, I:

-have bookmarked the calendar and check it weekly so I know what to expect and when
-keep a rough idea of when things are sent out, such as I know the snack assignment calendar is sent at the beginning of the month, so if the copy doesn't come to me I contact the school for a copy
-am on the email list, text message list, in the FB group, and have my own login for the website. Yes, I had to actually sign up for all of these myself since dad was put as the default. All the information I need is on these, including school photo information.
-if I'm unclear on something, I contact the teacher, front desk, or principal

This is all just basic parenting. I don't need my xH to do it for me.

Oh - I get it now. Because he asked for photo order information that one time, you think that he doesn't do any of this stuff. You're wrong.

Whether or not you think it was reasonable for him to ask (and I do, since it was a physical piece of paper that only she received, which is the type of thing she's supposed to share under agreement), her response to the request was NOT reasonable, and that's why he tries never to communicate with her.

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Anonymous wrote:Also seen it happen that a Mom can make a Dad miserable over the smallest, most trivial interaction, to the extent that he stops communicating at all with the Mom, for his own peace. Not saying that is the case here, but it can happen.

DP. How interesting that the advice to the mom is "bend over backwards and do whatever is necessary to prop up your child's relationship with his/her father even when the father acts indifferent to the kid and rude to you," while the message re dads is "if you don't like how your ex talks to you, it's normal to cut off contact with your kid."

Not saying this is the case for OP, but here's the situation I witnessed. DH did not cut off communication with his child's mother, but did stop taking phone calls and texts. Email only. Emails were pared down to the simplest statements. Even so, drama abounded, and I could see his ex pretending to have the same complaints as this OP, and getting support for it.

Actual example, DH sends email that says plainly, "The school pics you sent were bent in the mail. Can you please send me the ordering info so I can order new ones myself?" Response was several paragraphs long about how she went out of her way to send pics to him and his parents, and now she is accused of bending them, and how dare he, after everything she does, complain about this, etc.

Oh, and I wanted to add: so then DH is like, I can write back and say "Thanks for sending pics. Can I have the ordering info?" OR I can just call the school and find out the name of the photo company and call them, circumventing the mom altogether, which is what he ended up doing, because that's less drama. And I have about a bazillion more examples like this where dealing with the mom just wasn't worth the trouble. But on her end, she's like "I send pics and I get no appreciation! He can't even communicate with me like an adult!" LOL.

LOL he's an idiot. She makes it a hassle for him specifically BECAUSE she's tired of doing those things for him. I'd bet that if she said politely "you can call the school and get the ordering information", he'd throw a fit that she's not helping. The only way to get him to actually do anything is make it more difficult for him to ask her to do it.

+1. She's not his secretary, and he can get the ordering info from the school. He's not "circumventing" her by taking care of his own menial tasks himself. But sure, give him a gold star for figuring out how to obtain school pics of his kid without the assistance of another adult.

First, he'd need to know that the school pics were taken, and that the ordering packet was sent home to the mom. If you're intent on being a B, that might be why your ex-DH avoids communicating with you at all costs.

The idea it’s not possible for a grown ass man to figure out how to add his email to the class notification list is absurd.

He's on the email list. But the photo ordering packet goes home to the mom. She knows this, and instead of sharing the info, creates drama.

So yes, in a toxic situation, the ex must follow the calendar to find out when picture day is, call the school to get the photo order info. So that's what he does.

In a normal, healthy situation, mom would receive the photo order packet, simply take a pic of the info and forward.

The fact that you're hurling insults tells me all I need to know about what kind of situation you have.

I'm one of the PPs you responded to. My situation is that I share 50/50 custody, so often things sent home like photo packets go to my xH. Rather than expect my xH to do everything for me, I:

-have bookmarked the calendar and check it weekly so I know what to expect and when
-keep a rough idea of when things are sent out, such as I know the snack assignment calendar is sent at the beginning of the month, so if the copy doesn't come to me I contact the school for a copy
-am on the email list, text message list, in the FB group, and have my own login for the website. Yes, I had to actually sign up for all of these myself since dad was put as the default. All the information I need is on these, including school photo information.
-if I'm unclear on something, I contact the teacher, front desk, or principal

This is all just basic parenting. I don't need my xH to do it for me.

OP, you wanted to know "AITA." I'd say there's not enough info to say for sure. What do you want to get out of this thread?

If you want to quit sending pics, buying cards and providing extra school info that he could get himself, go ahead. The court does not care about that. But you need to facilitate phone calls, visits and other contact - the court does care about that.

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Anonymous wrote:Also seen it happen that a Mom can make a Dad miserable over the smallest, most trivial interaction, to the extent that he stops communicating at all with the Mom, for his own peace. Not saying that is the case here, but it can happen.

DP. How interesting that the advice to the mom is "bend over backwards and do whatever is necessary to prop up your child's relationship with his/her father even when the father acts indifferent to the kid and rude to you," while the message re dads is "if you don't like how your ex talks to you, it's normal to cut off contact with your kid."

Not saying this is the case for OP, but here's the situation I witnessed. DH did not cut off communication with his child's mother, but did stop taking phone calls and texts. Email only. Emails were pared down to the simplest statements. Even so, drama abounded, and I could see his ex pretending to have the same complaints as this OP, and getting support for it.

Actual example, DH sends email that says plainly, "The school pics you sent were bent in the mail. Can you please send me the ordering info so I can order new ones myself?" Response was several paragraphs long about how she went out of her way to send pics to him and his parents, and now she is accused of bending them, and how dare he, after everything she does, complain about this, etc.

Sorry, but he’s being obnoxious. If he doesn’t like the pictures, he is perfectly capable of calling the school and getting the ordering information himself. Mom did her part, if he’s unhappy with how then he needs to be a big boy and do it himself. She’s not his wife anymore.

And so he did. But that's my point, is that an interaction like that will make you circumvent the mom altogether, and find more ways to circumvent her.

well, honestly, this isn't the own I think you think it is. The Dad in this case should google gray rock and practice it. Snd that means stripping out any extraneous info. Hey, I'd like ot order more pics - can you share the info?

No need to say things were bent. A difficult person could read a little blame in that. stick to just the request.

It wasn't supposed to be an "own." But thanks for understanding the basic issue. Yes, DH made his way to doing gray rock before he even knew there was a term for that, and since it was self-taught, he wasn't doing it perfectly in the beginning.

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Anonymous wrote:Also seen it happen that a Mom can make a Dad miserable over the smallest, most trivial interaction, to the extent that he stops communicating at all with the Mom, for his own peace. Not saying that is the case here, but it can happen.

DP. How interesting that the advice to the mom is "bend over backwards and do whatever is necessary to prop up your child's relationship with his/her father even when the father acts indifferent to the kid and rude to you," while the message re dads is "if you don't like how your ex talks to you, it's normal to cut off contact with your kid."

Not saying this is the case for OP, but here's the situation I witnessed. DH did not cut off communication with his child's mother, but did stop taking phone calls and texts. Email only. Emails were pared down to the simplest statements. Even so, drama abounded, and I could see his ex pretending to have the same complaints as this OP, and getting support for it.

Actual example, DH sends email that says plainly, "The school pics you sent were bent in the mail. Can you please send me the ordering info so I can order new ones myself?" Response was several paragraphs long about how she went out of her way to send pics to him and his parents, and now she is accused of bending them, and how dare he, after everything she does, complain about this, etc.

Oh, and I wanted to add: so then DH is like, I can write back and say "Thanks for sending pics. Can I have the ordering info?" OR I can just call the school and find out the name of the photo company and call them, circumventing the mom altogether, which is what he ended up doing, because that's less drama. And I have about a bazillion more examples like this where dealing with the mom just wasn't worth the trouble. But on her end, she's like "I send pics and I get no appreciation! He can't even communicate with me like an adult!" LOL.

LOL he's an idiot. She makes it a hassle for him specifically BECAUSE she's tired of doing those things for him. I'd bet that if she said politely "you can call the school and get the ordering information", he'd throw a fit that she's not helping. The only way to get him to actually do anything is make it more difficult for him to ask her to do it.

+1. She's not his secretary, and he can get the ordering info from the school. He's not "circumventing" her by taking care of his own menial tasks himself. But sure, give him a gold star for figuring out how to obtain school pics of his kid without the assistance of another adult.

First, he'd need to know that the school pics were taken, and that the ordering packet was sent home to the mom. If you're intent on being a B, that might be why your ex-DH avoids communicating with you at all costs.

Nice try. All this stuff is online. Every kid that I know gets email newsletters with important school information. There are TONS of reminders about school picture day and ordering information. If the dad chooses to ignore those emails, that’s on him. It’s not his ex-wife’s job to be his secretary.

I have kids and I've seen it both ways. At some schools, the photo ordering info has been in an email. At others, it has been a physical paper put into the kid's cubby or backpack. At DH's son's school, it was always the latter, and it was the ONE! THING! that DH could not get online. And she KNEW that. And took advantage of it for drama.

But it isn't about the ins and outs of photo ordering. And it's not about using ex as secretary. It's about answering a simple email request with a long, abusive email essay. And my example was only meant to explain - this is why some dads might try never to communicate with the ex.

Is the following asking the ex to act as secretary?

DH emails: Can you please ask boy to pack [sports item] for the weekend with me?
Ex-W emails: [Several paragraphs of insults, complaints, etc]
Ex-W does: NOT pack sports item, does pack too-small, trash clothing for the weekend.
DH: Buys a whole extra set of sports items to keep at his house. Buys a whole set of clothes. Sends kid back with decent clothes that fit. Keeps other clothes for next time. NEVER asks the mom to pack anything again.

DH emails: I'm interested in boy to do X activity, and will pay and take him there.
Ex-W emails: [Several paragraphs of insults, complaints, etc]
Ex-W does: Nothing
DH: Does what he can on weekends, encourages boy to ask for the activities he wants. NEVER bothers to ask ex about extracurriculars again.

DH emails: How about a switch in the schedule?
Ex-W emails: [Several paragraphs of insults, complaints, etc]
DH: Sticks to set schedule, accommodates HER requests for changes in schedule, and NEVER asks for anything again.

Eventually there's nothing to communicate about. DH shows up and drops off according to the set schedule. Communication gets nowhere, so isn't necessary. It's very sad. But I am SURE she says, "Gosh, why he can't just communicate with me like an adult!" It's another way of saying, "Gosh, I wish he would just provide more opportunities to take more of my abuse!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is more to the story and we don't know it. We are only getting your side.

You said this started earlier this year when you asked for child support modifications. What was the situation prior to that? Your implication is his inattention to his child is because of money. I am not buying that.

"why the heck am I putting forth all of this effort for an immature man-child who can't even have a civil conversation/text/email exchange solely regarding our child?"

Part of the communication equation is YOU. If your conversations with him are not civil, then you need to own up to your part in it. And as a reminder, the effort isn't for YOU ... it's for your child.

The most important thing a divorced parent can do is foster the child's relationship with the other parent. Your son needs to have his father as a presence in his life.

I never said that he was inattentive to our child because of money. Money was the catalyst for him not communicating directly with me. His level of contact with DC declined when he moved out of state and has stayed inconsistent for the last few years. Every single time he floats into town I make DC available to him. I encourage DC to return his calls and message him back (he often calls/messages DC during the school day...). I buy the birthday cards that DC sends to him. I buy the Christmas gifts that DC wants to send to him. When DC has a school or camp event or performance, I (until now) ensured that although he had access to all of the information to participate, that he got specific links and information. I sent him pictures that if he were more active or planned better, he could be taking himself.

I'm exhausted.

I am INCREDIBLY civil. Mainly because DC is listening (little elephants have big ears) and it's important to me that I not interfere in the way that DC feels about him. That relationship will strengthen or weaken without me. That's up to them.
I understand the tight line where I could become a problem in their relationship, but if I keep enabling him, will he ever change to be a better dad for DC?

You know the answer to this. He won't. As much as it sucks, you need to accept him the way he is. You can't turn a cat into a dog.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is more to the story and we don't know it. We are only getting your side.

You said this started earlier this year when you asked for child support modifications. What was the situation prior to that? Your implication is his inattention to his child is because of money. I am not buying that.

"why the heck am I putting forth all of this effort for an immature man-child who can't even have a civil conversation/text/email exchange solely regarding our child?"

Part of the communication equation is YOU. If your conversations with him are not civil, then you need to own up to your part in it. And as a reminder, the effort isn't for YOU ... it's for your child.

The most important thing a divorced parent can do is foster the child's relationship with the other parent. Your son needs to have his father as a presence in his life.

I never said that he was inattentive to our child because of money. Money was the catalyst for him not communicating directly with me. His level of contact with DC declined when he moved out of state and has stayed inconsistent for the last few years. Every single time he floats into town I make DC available to him. I encourage DC to return his calls and message him back (he often calls/messages DC during the school day...). I buy the birthday cards that DC sends to him. I buy the Christmas gifts that DC wants to send to him. When DC has a school or camp event or performance, I (until now) ensured that although he had access to all of the information to participate, that he got specific links and information. I sent him pictures that if he were more active or planned better, he could be taking himself.

I'm exhausted.

I am INCREDIBLY civil. Mainly because DC is listening (little elephants have big ears) and it's important to me that I not interfere in the way that DC feels about him. That relationship will strengthen or weaken without me. That's up to them.
I understand the tight line where I could become a problem in their relationship, but if I keep enabling him, will he ever change to be a better dad for DC?

Of course you do, because he is 8. If you were still with your child's father, you would be doing these things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also seen it happen that a Mom can make a Dad miserable over the smallest, most trivial interaction, to the extent that he stops communicating at all with the Mom, for his own peace. Not saying that is the case here, but it can happen.

DP. How interesting that the advice to the mom is "bend over backwards and do whatever is necessary to prop up your child's relationship with his/her father even when the father acts indifferent to the kid and rude to you," while the message re dads is "if you don't like how your ex talks to you, it's normal to cut off contact with your kid."

Not saying this is the case for OP, but here's the situation I witnessed. DH did not cut off communication with his child's mother, but did stop taking phone calls and texts. Email only. Emails were pared down to the simplest statements. Even so, drama abounded, and I could see his ex pretending to have the same complaints as this OP, and getting support for it.

Actual example, DH sends email that says plainly, "The school pics you sent were bent in the mail. Can you please send me the ordering info so I can order new ones myself?" Response was several paragraphs long about how she went out of her way to send pics to him and his parents, and now she is accused of bending them, and how dare he, after everything she does, complain about this, etc.

Oh, and I wanted to add: so then DH is like, I can write back and say "Thanks for sending pics. Can I have the ordering info?" OR I can just call the school and find out the name of the photo company and call them, circumventing the mom altogether, which is what he ended up doing, because that's less drama. And I have about a bazillion more examples like this where dealing with the mom just wasn't worth the trouble. But on her end, she's like "I send pics and I get no appreciation! He can't even communicate with me like an adult!" LOL.

LOL he's an idiot. She makes it a hassle for him specifically BECAUSE she's tired of doing those things for him. I'd bet that if she said politely "you can call the school and get the ordering information", he'd throw a fit that she's not helping. The only way to get him to actually do anything is make it more difficult for him to ask her to do it.

+1. She's not his secretary, and he can get the ordering info from the school. He's not "circumventing" her by taking care of his own menial tasks himself. But sure, give him a gold star for figuring out how to obtain school pics of his kid without the assistance of another adult.

First, he'd need to know that the school pics were taken, and that the ordering packet was sent home to the mom. If you're intent on being a B, that might be why your ex-DH avoids communicating with you at all costs.

Nice try. All this stuff is online. Every kid that I know gets email newsletters with important school information. There are TONS of reminders about school picture day and ordering information. If the dad chooses to ignore those emails, that’s on him. It’s not his ex-wife’s job to be his secretary.

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is getting older and it's ok to let him see his dad for who he is[b]. I think forcing him to contact dad is setting him up for a lot of false hope and sadness and pain, so I think you're doing the right thing here.

If I were you I'd be confident that you can tell his family that it makes you uncomfortable with them as the go-between. I would also be actively trying to find your son other adult men who care about him -- uncles, mentors, etc...

I say all of this assuming your divorce was relatively low key, because if you're living with your boss who you cheated on your husband with, that is a different story!

Her kid is only 8! He will figure out his dad sucks soon enough and it will be a disappointment that might very well negatively impact his future romantic relationships. But right now he is 8.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is more to the story and we don't know it. We are only getting your side.

You said this started earlier this year when you asked for child support modifications. What was the situation prior to that? Your implication is his inattention to his child is because of money. I am not buying that.

"why the heck am I putting forth all of this effort for an immature man-child who can't even have a civil conversation/text/email exchange solely regarding our child?"

Part of the communication equation is YOU. If your conversations with him are not civil, then you need to own up to your part in it. And as a reminder, the effort isn't for YOU ... it's for your child.

The most important thing a divorced parent can do is foster the child's relationship with the other parent. Your son needs to have his father as a presence in his life.

I never said that he was inattentive to our child because of money. Money was the catalyst for him not communicating directly with me. His level of contact with DC declined when he moved out of state and has stayed inconsistent for the last few years. Every single time he floats into town I make DC available to him. I encourage DC to return his calls and message him back (he often calls/messages DC during the school day...). I buy the birthday cards that DC sends to him. I buy the Christmas gifts that DC wants to send to him. When DC has a school or camp event or performance, I (until now) ensured that although he had access to all of the information to participate, that he got specific links and information. I sent him pictures that if he were more active or planned better, he could be taking himself.

I'm exhausted.

I am INCREDIBLY civil. Mainly because DC is listening (little elephants have big ears) and it's important to me that I not interfere in the way that DC feels about him. That relationship will strengthen or weaken without me. That's up to them.
I understand the tight line where I could become a problem in their relationship, but if I keep enabling him, will he ever change to be a better dad for DC?

Some men are just childish and resentful. I have a friend whose husband cheated and then got mad when she filed for divorce and has been punishing her ever since. He expected her to keep him updated on everything so he could participate in what he wanted at his convenience, and if she somehow missed something, he lit into her. She started doing everything through their lawyers and gave the schools his email so he got everything she did and she checked out. Never badmouthed him to the kids or anything, but stopped taking his abuse (and that’s what it is). Trying to get under your skin, still.

You need one of those custody apps, where you both can add info and it gets shared with the other parent. Stop facilitating his visits through family. Have the school email him any info that goes out to parents. But I would skip sending the photos etc. of things you guys do. If your child asks for some he can send via KM, then give to him to do it.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's certainly ok to slow down the information you are sharing with him. I'm not sure I'd go a full 180 to sharing nothing, but maybe aim for once a month to send ONE picture.

Then see what happens.

This is the best advice. Slow fade it, then they won't much notice or care. Drastic action begs for a fight and then you will look very bad should this proceed to court. Sounds like your situation is best for your son (he's safely with you) so while you should let go of some of the things you are doing to facilitate their relationship, do it carefully.

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is more to the story and we don't know it. We are only getting your side.

You said this started earlier this year when you asked for child support modifications. What was the situation prior to that? Your implication is his inattention to his child is because of money. I am not buying that.

"why the heck am I putting forth all of this effort for an immature man-child who can't even have a civil conversation/text/email exchange solely regarding our child?"

Part of the communication equation is YOU. If your conversations with him are not civil, then you need to own up to your part in it. And as a reminder, the effort isn't for YOU ... it's for your child.

The most important thing a divorced parent can do is foster the child's relationship with the other parent. Your son needs to have his father as a presence in his life.

I never said that he was inattentive to our child because of money. Money was the catalyst for him not communicating directly with me. His level of contact with DC declined when he moved out of state and has stayed inconsistent for the last few years. Every single time he floats into town I make DC available to him. I encourage DC to return his calls and message him back (he often calls/messages DC during the school day...). I buy the birthday cards that DC sends to him. I buy the Christmas gifts that DC wants to send to him. When DC has a school or camp event or performance, I (until now) ensured that although he had access to all of the information to participate, that he got specific links and information. I sent him pictures that if he were more active or planned better, he could be taking himself.

I'm exhausted.

I am INCREDIBLY civil. Mainly because DC is listening (little elephants have big ears) and it's important to me that I not interfere in the way that DC feels about him. That relationship will strengthen or weaken without me. That's up to them.
I understand the tight line where I could become a problem in their relationship, but if I keep enabling him, will he ever change to be a better dad for DC?

I don’t think your an A-hole, but I think sending the pictures and making the kid available are things you do for your kid, right, not your DH? Because you want your kid to have as good a relationship possible with his dad now, while he’s a kid. When he’s an adult he’ll figure out who his dad is as an adult but right now, you’re propping it all up to try to keep him safe from it while you can. It doesn’t seem like such a big ask to do for your kid.

Are you talking to a therapist? Because I think you need to keep sorting out the co-parenting from your personal relationship with your ex, which is really hard to do and obviously your ex’s actions affect you and you deserve a place to sort that out and talk about it. That way you can come back to this picture question from the perspective of just deciding how you want to approach it as a parenting question and not a relationship question.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ex-DH has decided to completely stop speaking to me directly since January 2021 when I submitted a request to modify child support. He will instead have his mother or his siblings be a go-between to communicate with me regarding DC (8yo). Ex-DH moved out of state a few years ago and only sees DC occasionally when he's in town (pretty randomly). I always make sure that DC is available to him and until recently I've been diligent about making sure that DC responds to and initiates messages and calls (DC has a tablet and uses FB kids messenger) and I would also send pictures and updates to him about DC's activities, school-related things, and just normal weekend outings, etc.

Then one day it hit me - why the heck am I putting forth all of this effort for an immature man-child who can't even have a civil conversation/text/email exchange solely regarding our child? (no, I have ZERO interest in discussing anything other than our child).

So I've decided to no longer send ANY school pictures, updates, weekend snaps, growth updates, birthday party invitations, etc, nor will I remind him about school activities, or remind DC to call him. I will no longer entertain the "Daddy wants to know if he can pick me up next weekend" nonsense, or answer those requests from my ex-inlaws.

I know that DC's relationship with him will suffer, but AITA for expecting him to communicate like an adult?

Why not answer requests from ex-inlaws?

I meant when they reach out on his behalf. I actually get along with my in-laws very well, but they have definitely enabled his crappy behavior. We often schedule visits for DC with just his parents and/or siblings (which he actually hates). But when he comes to town, he will actually have his mother call me to schedule logistics instead of just communicating directly. It's immature and exhausting.