Reply to Is it offensive if someone’s excuse not to hang out is laundry or grocery shopping?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you can take this one of two ways. One, she just doesn't like you that much (I call it not being a tier-one friend) and so when anything gets in the way of spending time with you, she lets it. Two, she is drowning and being a SAHM mom to two little kids can be all-consuming (I assume, I have always worked) and if you want to spend time with her you need to be flexible.

On the one hand, I have friends who aren't tier one and I don't go out of my way to see them or spend time with them. If it's easy, then sure, but I don't rearrange or work hard to find the time. On the other hand, my best friend is a school teacher and the primary parent for her two kids because of her husband's schedule. I talk to her at 5 am because it's the only time we can commit to (rarely do things get scheduled at that time...). So we walk and talk then because I value our friendship that much.

Personally, I try not to take offense to people's choice to not hang out with me (or to cancel). But I do use that information going forward and plan accordingly where they are concerned.[/quote]

Op here. I think I am one of her only friends. We met when our kids were babies 3 years ago. We both were home with babies/toddlers while our older kid(s) were in school. She has 2 kids. I have 3 kids. Our kids started preschool and then covid happened. We would see each other like once or so per week and it was very last minute.

I don’t think she uses a calendar or I am not important enough to put in her calendar.

Even for her daughter’s birthday, she told me that she will probably do something on X date. I saved that day for her and then the day before, she tells me they decided not to do anything.

I was ready to just drop her. Of course this morning, my daughter begs me to invite this friend over. I didn’t ask her. I don’t plan on asking her to ever do anything in advance. Problem is I have 3 kids to juggle and sports are starting. [/quote]

Op, have some empathy and do your best for yourself and your family. If you’ve made NOT firm plans with her, she’s not really standing you up. If she’s canceling on a set plan without notice, or too many times, then that’s different.

I think it’s a reflection of her, not on you. If you’re asking because you’ve started to feel ‘stupid’ about it, move on to greener pastures wo resentment.

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