Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s nice that you can find other times to do laundry. Not everyone shares that level of flexibility. I have friends with tight schedules. Sometimes when we hang out, I go to their house or we run errands together — because my priority is maintaining the friendship, not just having someone who can go out when I can. It would only bother me if I felt that it was an excuse — rather than a genuine conflict.

I would say she has more flexibility than me. She is a SAHM of 2. She literally can do laundry anytime. She lives in a house with her own laundry. It isn’t like she has to take her laundry to a laundromat.

People think that SAHM somehow have all the free time in the world, when in reality they are usually busier than other moms, because they get no help for any chores, and especially with little ones, chores are endless and sleep is scarce.

Don’t resent your friend, but if you don’t like what’s going on, and something you’d like to do comes up, don’t cancel for her. Don’t go out of your way and then get blown off, but don’t be too harsh. If you want the friendship because of your daughter, suck it up and go with it, with a balance to where your daughter doesn’t feel expendable. Little ones are all feeling, and depending on how you do it, she may pick up or not on it.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

You must have never been a shm. Jealousy!!

I don't want to make this yet another mommy wars thread because those are ridiculous, but I don't understand why SAHMs think that all WOH parents have outside help with anything other than watching their children during the day. I am either in the car or at work from 8:00am - 5:00pm, otherwise I'm at home with my children or taking my kids to children's activities or doing something social or cleaning my house or doing laundry or making meals, or grocery shopping, just the same as you. We don't have cleaners, no one else is doing our laundry or trimming our hedges or mowing the lawn. So, yes, the idea that you are somehow busier or more exhausted than I am is laughable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s nice that you can find other times to do laundry. Not everyone shares that level of flexibility. I have friends with tight schedules. Sometimes when we hang out, I go to their house or we run errands together — because my priority is maintaining the friendship, not just having someone who can go out when I can. It would only bother me if I felt that it was an excuse — rather than a genuine conflict.

I would say she has more flexibility than me. She is a SAHM of 2. She literally can do laundry anytime. She lives in a house with her own laundry. It isn’t like she has to take her laundry to a laundromat.

People think that SAHM somehow have all the free time in the world, when in reality they are usually busier than other moms, because they get no help for any chores, and especially with little ones, chores are endless and sleep is scarce.

Don’t resent your friend, but if you don’t like what’s going on, and something you’d like to do comes up, don’t cancel for her. Don’t go out of your way and then get blown off, but don’t be too harsh. If you want the friendship because of your daughter, suck it up and go with it, with a balance to where your daughter doesn’t feel expendable. Little ones are all feeling, and depending on how you do it, she may pick up or not on it.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

You must have never been a shm. Jealousy!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in an apartment and share laundry with like 100 other tenants. I have to do laundry when the machines are free. I also sometimes have to go to up to four different places to find one that will give me a roll of quarters. Doing two loads of laundry can take me an entire day between trying to get a machine and finding quarters.

Why would you not lay in a supply of quarters so you don’t have to look for them each time? That can easily be planned ahead.

Anonymous wrote:I live in an apartment and share laundry with like 100 other tenants. I have to do laundry when the machines are free. I also sometimes have to go to up to four different places to find one that will give me a roll of quarters. Doing two loads of laundry can take me an entire day between trying to get a machine and finding quarters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s nice that you can find other times to do laundry. Not everyone shares that level of flexibility. I have friends with tight schedules. Sometimes when we hang out, I go to their house or we run errands together — because my priority is maintaining the friendship, not just having someone who can go out when I can. It would only bother me if I felt that it was an excuse — rather than a genuine conflict.

I would say she has more flexibility than me. She is a SAHM of 2. She literally can do laundry anytime. She lives in a house with her own laundry. It isn’t like she has to take her laundry to a laundromat.

People think that SAHM somehow have all the free time in the world, when in reality they are usually busier than other moms, because they get no help for any chores, and especially with little ones, chores are endless and sleep is scarce.

Don’t resent your friend, but if you don’t like what’s going on, and something you’d like to do comes up, don’t cancel for her. Don’t go out of your way and then get blown off, but don’t be too harsh. If you want the friendship because of your daughter, suck it up and go with it, with a balance to where your daughter doesn’t feel expendable. Little ones are all feeling, and depending on how you do it, she may pick up or not on it.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s nice that you can find other times to do laundry. Not everyone shares that level of flexibility. I have friends with tight schedules. Sometimes when we hang out, I go to their house or we run errands together — because my priority is maintaining the friendship, not just having someone who can go out when I can. It would only bother me if I felt that it was an excuse — rather than a genuine conflict.

I would say she has more flexibility than me. She is a SAHM of 2. She literally can do laundry anytime. She lives in a house with her own laundry. It isn’t like she has to take her laundry to a laundromat.

People think that SAHM somehow have all the free time in the world, when in reality they are usually busier than other moms, because they get no help for any chores, and especially with little ones, chores are endless and sleep is scarce.

Don’t resent your friend, but if you don’t like what’s going on, and something you’d like to do comes up, don’t cancel for her. Don’t go out of your way and then get blown off, but don’t be too harsh. If you want the friendship because of your daughter, suck it up and go with it, with a balance to where your daughter doesn’t feel expendable. Little ones are all feeling, and depending on how you do it, she may pick up or not on it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who always wants to make plans and she doesn't have *any* household responsibilities (no small kids, DH does everything) so she doesn't understand time spend on housework and cooking. She also doesn't work, and expects me to be available to do things with her and doesn't consider the need to do housework and laundry and feed everyone.

This is not the same situation at all. She is the one who throws her available dates for the week after. Then when the day comes, she can’t meet up because she has to go to the grocery store.

Her husband also does most of the grocery and Costco runs in their house. At the end of the day, she is just flaky. It is what it is.

Our kids don’t go to the same preschool and won’t go to the same elementary.

Are you actually settled on a plan?

She may book them once she’s told you and you haven’t committed.

Anonymous wrote:I only make same-day plans with known flakes, and I don't go out of my way. "We're hanging out at home today if you guys want to come over around 2 and swim!" or "we're headed to the park for a couple hours this morning, let me know if you want to meet up!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who always wants to make plans and she doesn't have *any* household responsibilities (no small kids, DH does everything) so she doesn't understand time spend on housework and cooking. She also doesn't work, and expects me to be available to do things with her and doesn't consider the need to do housework and laundry and feed everyone.

This is not the same situation at all. She is the one who throws her available dates for the week after. Then when the day comes, she can’t meet up because she has to go to the grocery store.

Her husband also does most of the grocery and Costco runs in their house. At the end of the day, she is just flaky. It is what it is.

Our kids don’t go to the same preschool and won’t go to the same elementary.

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who always wants to make plans and she doesn't have *any* household responsibilities (no small kids, DH does everything) so she doesn't understand time spend on housework and cooking. She also doesn't work, and expects me to be available to do things with her and doesn't consider the need to do housework and laundry and feed everyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can take this one of two ways. One, she just doesn't like you that much (I call it not being a tier-one friend) and so when anything gets in the way of spending time with you, she lets it. Two, she is drowning and being a SAHM mom to two little kids can be all-consuming (I assume, I have always worked) and if you want to spend time with her you need to be flexible.

On the one hand, I have friends who aren't tier one and I don't go out of my way to see them or spend time with them. If it's easy, then sure, but I don't rearrange or work hard to find the time. On the other hand, my best friend is a school teacher and the primary parent for her two kids because of her husband's schedule. I talk to her at 5 am because it's the only time we can commit to (rarely do things get scheduled at that time...). So we walk and talk then because I value our friendship that much.

Personally, I try not to take offense to people's choice to not hang out with me (or to cancel). But I do use that information going forward and plan accordingly where they are concerned.

Op here. I think I am one of her only friends. We met when our kids were babies 3 years ago. We both were home with babies/toddlers while our older kid(s) were in school. She has 2 kids. I have 3 kids. Our kids started preschool and then covid happened. We would see each other like once or so per week and it was very last minute.

I don’t think she uses a calendar or I am not important enough to put in her calendar.

Even for her daughter’s birthday, she told me that she will probably do something on X date. I saved that day for her and then the day before, she tells me they decided not to do anything.

I was ready to just drop her. Of course this morning, my daughter begs me to invite this friend over. I didn’t ask her. I don’t plan on asking her to ever do anything in advance. Problem is I have 3 kids to juggle and sports are starting.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can take this one of two ways. One, she just doesn't like you that much (I call it not being a tier-one friend) and so when anything gets in the way of spending time with you, she lets it. Two, she is drowning and being a SAHM mom to two little kids can be all-consuming (I assume, I have always worked) and if you want to spend time with her you need to be flexible.

On the one hand, I have friends who aren't tier one and I don't go out of my way to see them or spend time with them. If it's easy, then sure, but I don't rearrange or work hard to find the time. On the other hand, my best friend is a school teacher and the primary parent for her two kids because of her husband's schedule. I talk to her at 5 am because it's the only time we can commit to (rarely do things get scheduled at that time...). So we walk and talk then because I value our friendship that much.

Personally, I try not to take offense to people's choice to not hang out with me (or to cancel). But I do use that information going forward and plan accordingly where they are concerned.