Reply to People with a lot of friends and a big support system -- how do they do it? (Question about sister)

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "People with a lot of friends and a big support system -- how do they do it? (Question about sister)"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In my experience, [b]people who get these outpourings tend to friendly and nice, and also extroverted, and also really active on social media.[/b] I think it also helps to have a wide age crossrange of people to whom you are connected. Retirees, 20 somethings, middle aged people with teens who they want to do good deeds all have more capacity than dual employment couples with young kids.

For the person who would like the network you get with Church, but not Church. I think you can find a version of this in many hobbyist groups. I have it in an activist group I'm part of-few of the people are close friends but they would absolutely put together a meal train, give money, help out with tasks if I needed it enough to ask (which would be really hard for me). I even know people who have developed that sort of group through an exercise class. Part of it is just being active in your community so that you are a know person-even if you aren't friends with everyone.[/quote]

Yes to the bolded. I am friendly and nice, but not on social media, and not extroverted. I have a good set of close friends who I could and would call in a crisis, and they would be there for me. But I think people know me as fiercely independent and a little private and for all those reasons probably no one who would jump up and pitch in without me asking. I would have to ask for it, and that's frankly the way I want it. But I do adore my friends, and regularly reach out to a small, close group privately for regular texts and calls, and it would never occur to me to "test" them by cutting off contact for a month or more to see who contacted me. I think a willingness and desire to do that reflects more on the person running the "test" than the friends who they are hoping will contact them.

My sister, OTOH, is very extroverted and very much on social media. I think if she were going through a publicly-known issue (and all of her issues are, through social media), she would have supportive messages, emojis, text message affirmations, and more meals than she'd know what to do with for about a week. And everyone who sent a meal or helped would get an over-the-top Instagram post about how awesome they are. And then it would peter out. Her DH is also the kind of person who never enters a room without leaving with a new friend and plans for lunch. He's the kind of guy whose barista and dry cleaner would show up at his funeral. It's not because he's "better" than me or anyone. Hell, baristas and dry cleaners probably don't want to be so close to [b]every[/b] customer. But it's just who he is. It doesn't mean that my close circle of friends isn't good enough or there for me when I need them.

The PPs talking about how to make friends at all as an adult in a small, insular town are exploring a different question, IMO. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics