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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks. It is helping to read these responses. I'm not wanting to say where we live mostly because I'm scared about this somehow being tied to my legal case and a failed court system judge deciding this is reason to give her to her dad.

Her father who physically, mentally and emotionally abused her (and started grooming for other abuse) has in the past had it declared that she would not receive any counseling without his involvement. And it's so messed up, in the past he would only allow a therapist he knew who excused the abuse and had no experience with trauma. This has all been so awful. I am trying to get decision making over therapy but waiting on legal process. What he did to her was magnified in assault much worse to me. And so the abuse continues with his influence, control and rights, yet she, the victim is treated like she has none.

And I have worked hard to heal and build a new life and try to get divorced and protect my kids and now this is triggering me because she is so cold, and doesn't want to get better or care about anything and seems to want to destroy me personally, and everything that nearly cost my soul.

She is absolutely depressed, experiencing ptsd, and all the rest of it. And I am having a really hard day. [/quote]

How much of this past trauma was discussed in the ER evaluation? Was it just the immediate suicidal ideation that was addressed, or did you/she let them know that there was a huge amount of past trauma that had never been fully addressed?

I'm asking because, in this whole thread, this is the first time you've really been clear about how bad things actually were. You alluded to putting things behind you, that you'd recently gotten a fresh start, but this sounds like something that would make moving on impossible for anyone, without some intensive help for both of you.

I can imagine that neither of you wants to talk about ANY of it, but you definitely need to be 100% clear to anyone working with your daughter what "what he did to her" really consisted of—especially if she's never had any therapy up to this point. That's the only way she'll get the right kind of help. And if she saw or is aware of "what he did to you," that will affect her as well. Eventually, you'll need therapy for both of you together, maybe even all three of you, depending on how old your other child is.

I'm so, so sorry you're going through this, but it's clear you're strong and brave and an amazing, loving mom, even though you may not feel like it sometimes. We're all rooting for you both.[/quote]

They knew, not of every instance but examples and enough that they were ongoing, charges were pressed (for me), emergency protection was given for all of us. Absolutely she needs more help. And I already get help as I can process more. It's the legal part that had me waiting because if parental rights where I am and his have not been fully stripped yet, though he has no access, no contact and no say on medical, education, etc. Just counseling. It is quite sick and when I agreed to postpone stripping his say on counseling so he would agree to everything else (best at the time) covid hadn't happened and I didn't know court would drag out so long.

I'm trying my best but honestly this is a lot and I am weary and in need of the sort of rest that feels it will only come when I am no longer legally connected to the abuser. It is sick. The court system is awful. People with cancer would never be treated like this, yet abuse really is as deadly if not more and victims are punished again and again by courts and process.[/quote]

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