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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.
I can't  sleep.

Part of me is scared to send her to a program, from stories of kids just learning tips and tricks from other kids.

I thought things were looking a little better, but then she was lying about being on her phone, and I looked at it and she was searching stuff like "how to tongue your meds". The thing is I asked her how she felt about taking some medication for a little while and she said good.

And tonight she took a video "when your best friend ruins your suicide plans". She wanted to hang out in her room a little. I went in and she had some makeup on and said she wanted to do it just for something to do. She likes art and likes makeup art and I believed her. But turns out she was making this video, among other stuff.

Today she didn't do school because she was tired but she was on tiktok and Instagram all day (but hid it everytime I came in).

I'm a single mom, limited resources, other child, bad history of domestic violence and a long hellish road behind and I feel so at a loss. The lying and manipulating feels impossible to contend with. The total lack of care feels scary.

I know I can't keep coming here writing all this everyday. The therapists I'm trying to get haven't gotten back to me yet but just how do some of you do this for years.[/quote]

The psychiatric resources in our area are often subpar.  The inpatient facility my child was in out of state spoke directly to many of this area’s hospitals and programs when looking for a partial hospitalization program for her to release into and was appalled. They very very strongly suggested we take the lengthy drive to the Hopkins ER if at all possible if we needed to get her to an ER for evaluation and potential admission. Hopkins and Shepard Pratt have very respected mental health resources.  I would suggest given what you are saying taking her to a different ER than the first you used - maybe Hopkins.

It also sounds like your child baseline is hiding her depression from you. This is common for kids with mental illness like depression. Believe her actions not her words. Basically what I was told by a favorite therapist is that my child’s promises and words were simply unreliable. She could mean what she said to me as she said it but then do the opposite

Also yes if your child goes inpatient they will learn new negative behaviors AND they will receive the help, medication and therapy they need. Inpatient you really can’t have one without the other.

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