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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.
I can't  sleep.

Part of me is scared to send her to a program, from stories of kids just learning tips and tricks from other kids.

I thought things were looking a little better, but then she was lying about being on her phone, and I looked at it and she was searching stuff like "how to tongue your meds". The thing is I asked her how she felt about taking some medication for a little while and she said good.

And tonight she took a video "when your best friend ruins your suicide plans". She wanted to hang out in her room a little. I went in and she had some makeup on and said she wanted to do it just for something to do. She likes art and likes makeup art and I believed her. But turns out she was making this video, among other stuff.

Today she didn't do school because she was tired but she was on tiktok and Instagram all day (but hid it everytime I came in).

I'm a single mom, limited resources, other child, bad history of domestic violence and a long hellish road behind and I feel so at a loss. The lying and manipulating feels impossible to contend with. The total lack of care feels scary.

I know I can't keep coming here writing all this everyday. The therapists I'm trying to get haven't gotten back to me yet but just how do some of you do this for years.[/quote]

You just do it because you have to. It changes your life and it ages you. It sucks like nothing I’ve ever experienced. You come to terms with your limits. Lots of tears, real chest heaving crying like your heart is being squeezed out of you. But every single day you just do it because you don’t have a choice. Keep coming back, OP. We’ve been there and want to support you.

As for the things you shared, honestly I’d be thinking about another trip to the ER. Given this, even if she doesn’t get admitted, maybe you will get a PHP referral. Finding a therapist is really tough. And you’re right, the lack of care is scary, especially if you can’t private pay. If you give us an idea where you live we might know some resources. [/quote]

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