Reply to How to Make Friends with Likeminded Moms, esp. Working Moms

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For the past few years, I've been quite lonely.

I am a big reader...I enjoy talking about social/economic trends, hot-button issues, my work, meaning-of-life kind of stuff. I like to debate and analyze, and have deep conversations. I was always a nerd and didn't fit in at my small private school, where kids were mostly talking about pop culture I was totally unfamiliar with.

At college, I found my group, and that was awesome. Then, we grew up and grew apart. [b]My college friends don't have kids yet, we have changed priorities and interests[/b], and more practically, everyone's living all over the country/the world. We catch up by phone every few months and try to see each other 1-2 times per year, but that's not a lot, and every year I feel like we have less in common.

I work at an interesting and intellectually stimulating job but all my coworkers are much younger (early 20s), so while we have great working relationships, they're not exactly friends (plus I'm in a senior role so it's unwise to befriend others anyway).

I'm lucky to have a flexible schedule, working mostly half days, so I try to meet people at preschool/school pickup, playgrounds, etc. I live in a suburb. [b]The people I meet are mostly SAHMs and the conversations are mostly about kid/family stuff[/b] - kids' classes, gossip, "where did you buy XYZ for kid?", updates about school, vacations, weekend plans, etc. It's enjoy these topics to some extent, but it's all they seem to talk about, and when I bring up some news story or something from work, they just tune out. So the relationships are pretty shallow.

[b]When I do meet working moms, they're (understandably) extremely busy[/b]... weekdays are hectic, weekends are family time, everyone seems to have friends already and no one is interested in investing their limited time in getting to know a stranger to see if maybe a real friendship will develop. Some women just refer me to their nanny to plan playdates. Even people that do genuinely seem interested in connecting end up being too busy and things fizzle out. I have tried approaching people in person, joining groups for working moms, joining Facebook groups in my local area, joining groups organized around some of my interests... people just don't have time.

I would really love to have close friends that I can talk to about anything, people who really get me. Not just fellow parents that I hang out with just because we have kids the same age and chat about school and summer camp.  Is this even possible? What can I do? 
[/quote]

OP, you need to re-read what you wrote. I'm not sure if I highlighted the correct portions because I only have a minute here, but you essentially say that your college friends don't have kids so you don't have anything in common with them anymore but the moms you meet want to talk about their kids and you want to discuss topics outside of that. And then the working moms are too busy to spend a ton of time doing a deep dive and creating a strong friendship with you.

I say this gently but you need to meet people where they're at. Why can't you discuss things not kid-related with your college friends? If you're asking them to come have lunch with you and your kids and then debate CRT, you're kind of barking up the wrong tree. And if you want the other moms to discuss something other than their kids, why don't you try to hang out with them when your kids aren't around? And if you want to get to know other working moms, maybe don't expect them to spend five hours with you baring your soul to them.

I hope you find your people, truly. I just think you may need to reevaluate what you're looking for and see that maybe you can get it, just not the way you want it.[/quote]

Yep.

OP, you are a lazy relationship seeker. You don't want to put in the work to get to know people and meet them where they are.

Relationships are give and take, You don't want to give.

I have friends from all works of life. I have two kids and my bestfriend has none. We are as close as we were in undergrad. I have friends who are SAHMs. I have others who are working moms. Your post is full of reasons why nobody meets your criteria. You need some serious reflection into why you are pushing everyone away.[/quote]

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