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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have extremely high standards for behavior. But we allow all feelings. For example, its ok to express your anger or displeasure by whining or crying, but it is NOT ok to throw things or to hit people when you're angry. I show my kids how to express their anger in constructive ways. If my kid walks away when I am talking to them, I go and sit in front of them and say 'I see you're having a hard time listening, what can you do when that happens?" And I tell them what they can do instead.

Kids pre frontal cortex in the brain, which controls emotional control, is not developed until early adulthood. So to expect a 4y to not whine is NOT developmentally age appropriate.

If my husband told me not to whine when I am annoyed with something, I would just get more angry. But if he says "Yeah I get it, its annoying", I can immediately calm down. And I'm an adult and not a 4y old obviously...

It's part of being human to be able to express your feelings.[/quote]

This is well said. My kids stomp their feet, roll their eyes, huff and puff. But if they do the task I’m asking them to do, it’s fine. If they look really upset, I get down on their level and ask them what’s bugging them. Sometimes it’s just a matter of not feeling heard. My 5 year old will say something like “but I was playing, I don’t want to clean up”. To which I say “I understand, it is frustrating, let’s clean up together and see who can get the toys back in the closet the fastest”. That usually snaps him right out of it. Don’t make the behavior a big deal, let them express it, but help them to move past it. It’s normal in young kids. My oldest grew past it, or course I’m sure the eye rolls and huffs will make an appearance again once he hits 14. That’s totally normal too! [/quote]

100% agree and that's a great way to deal with the "but I don't want to" and the eye rolls etc. My MIL starts negotiating instead "well yes, you have to" and then the kid goes "NO!!!", and MIL goes "Yes, or else!". And the kid either runs away or they just get more angry. Very effective... not :D[/quote]

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