Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No eye rolling, no huffing, no ignoring, no walking away. Set the standard NOW when it’s easier so you have a good baseline in the teen years when things can get really tough.

No eye rolling by you either, no ignoring or disrespectful talking back. Hopefully you follow what you preach and be a robot yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The eye rolls and huffs are communicating something. If you use empathy to lean into what he’s feeling and out words to it, he will learn to communicate. How much do you model using “I feel” statements in your communication?

I feel irritated that making basic good behavior subject to negotiation from a young age inevitably results in adults who think that eye-rolling in front of the boss is an acceptable form dissent at work on this forum.
I feel sad when adults with a similar world view on the acceptability of eyerolling at work suggest that a supervisor who does not tolerate over-indulgent behavior deserves to be sabotaged.
I feel frustrated that their parents probably caved into manipulative behaviors, and feel regretful that they now have trouble coping with anything disagreeable to them.
I feel annoyed that when the role between parent and friend is blurred growing up, a similar misunderstanding happens at work.

Empathy and communication are important, but so are clear expectations, consequences, and teaching kids how to manage disappointment and frustration so they don't become insufferable adults.

Yeah, I’m willing to bet that most of us who take a Whole Brain Child-type approach have very different standards for behavior from the *adults* in our lives vs. the *children*. It’s not easy work, parenting that way, and those of us who chose it usually are dedicated parents who have high standards for their kids (hell, WBC talks so.much. About the importance of high standards). It’s much easier to either be completely permissive or overly strict—you get to check out of paying attention to your children’s emotional development. IME, self-described “strict” parents don’t do a freaking thing to teach their kids how to manage difficult feelings, other than telling them to go to their rooms and do it on their own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The eye rolls and huffs are communicating something. If you use empathy to lean into what he’s feeling and out words to it, he will learn to communicate. How much do you model using “I feel” statements in your communication?

I feel irritated that making basic good behavior subject to negotiation from a young age inevitably results in adults who think that eye-rolling in front of the boss is an acceptable form dissent at work on this forum.
I feel sad when adults with a similar world view on the acceptability of eyerolling at work suggest that a supervisor who does not tolerate over-indulgent behavior deserves to be sabotaged.
I feel frustrated that their parents probably caved into manipulative behaviors, and feel regretful that they now have trouble coping with anything disagreeable to them.
I feel annoyed that when the role between parent and friend is blurred growing up, a similar misunderstanding happens at work.

Empathy and communication are important, but so are clear expectations, consequences, and teaching kids how to manage disappointment and frustration so they don't become insufferable adults.

Anonymous wrote:The eye rolls and huffs are communicating something. If you use empathy to lean into what he’s feeling and out words to it, he will learn to communicate. How much do you model using “I feel” statements in your communication?

Anonymous wrote:I have a very brand new supervisor right now who is in the stage of his first supervisory assignment where he will not allow any eye- rolling or grumbling. He’s writing this up as insubordination.

I think he’s going to last about 4 months.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No eye rolling, no huffing, no ignoring, no walking away. Set the standard NOW when it’s easier so you have a good baseline in the teen years when things can get really tough.

No eye rolling by you either, no ignoring or disrespectful talking back. Hopefully you follow what you preach and be a robot yourself.

Anonymous wrote:No eye rolling, no huffing, no ignoring, no walking away. Set the standard NOW when it’s easier so you have a good baseline in the teen years when things can get really tough.

Anonymous wrote:If you allow someone to cry and whine until early adulthood LOL it explains a lot about the people in this area.

Anonymous wrote:If you allow someone to cry and whine until early adulthood LOL it explains a lot about the people in this area.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have extremely high standards for behavior. But we allow all feelings. For example, its ok to express your anger or displeasure by whining or crying, but it is NOT ok to throw things or to hit people when you're angry. I show my kids how to express their anger in constructive ways. If my kid walks away when I am talking to them, I go and sit in front of them and say 'I see you're having a hard time listening, what can you do when that happens?" And I tell them what they can do instead.

Kids pre frontal cortex in the brain, which controls emotional control, is not developed until early adulthood. So to expect a 4y to not whine is NOT developmentally age appropriate.

If my husband told me not to whine when I am annoyed with something, I would just get more angry. But if he says "Yeah I get it, its annoying", I can immediately calm down. And I'm an adult and not a 4y old obviously...

It's part of being human to be able to express your feelings.

This is well said. My kids stomp their feet, roll their eyes, huff and puff. But if they do the task I’m asking them to do, it’s fine. If they look really upset, I get down on their level and ask them what’s bugging them. Sometimes it’s just a matter of not feeling heard. My 5 year old will say something like “but I was playing, I don’t want to clean up”. To which I say “I understand, it is frustrating, let’s clean up together and see who can get the toys back in the closet the fastest”. That usually snaps him right out of it. Don’t make the behavior a big deal, let them express it, but help them to move past it. It’s normal in young kids. My oldest grew past it, or course I’m sure the eye rolls and huffs will make an appearance again once he hits 14. That’s totally normal too!

Anonymous wrote:He'd get yelled at if he walked out and ignored me.