Reply to DH pushes me away from DC

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[quote=Anonymous]Ok, I understand why you don't want to focus on specific examples,  because DCUM does usually grab hold of them and miss the bigger picture.  But I'm not following your examples at all (the cousins thing was indecipherable).

I'm glad you said you were in therapy because I think you need to think about your contributions to this dynamic.  But at the same time, I think you're overly invested in labels and diagnoses.

Let's pick the one example - easter.  What does it mean he claims credit?  Why is there any credit to claim?  What is it you're looking for?  What if you "drop the rope" - who cares if he claims credit?  Anyone with an eyeball knows what you did and what your contribution is.  I think if you want him to acknowledge and thank you, you need to accept you are probably never going to get that.  So you do you - do what you want, and take pleasure in the acts you do themselves, not whether you "get credit."  I'd explore in therapy why it matter so much to you and why you view it as triangulating.

I'm more concerned about the golden child/less favored child dynamic you describe with your kids.  THat's harmful.  I wonder how old your kids are?  I suppose, to extend easter, you view it as husband claims credit, DD fawns all over daddy for all the things for easter, and you feel excluded from DD?  Again, here I'd just drop the rope.  If you're a strong, steady, loving presence in your children's lives, they will know this.  It is natural for kids to favor one parent over another at various points.  Just stay the course.  (and quit labeling your kids, yourself).

Why is separating off the table?  Just curious.  Do you love your DH?

I think, overall, given the image you've described, you're never, ever, going otget exactly what you need/want from your  husband.  Decide what you will get from him, and whether you can live with it, and if you can live with it, you need ot make peace with it - which means not letting it get to you.  [/quote]

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