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[quote=Anonymous]OP here (to helpful PP or another helpful person):  Should I give DH info on covert narcissism so he knows he is "found out"? Also, so he knows (concretely) why I don't bother with MIL?

I have mentioned that she is cold and uncaring before, but I want him to know I am not making this BS (that she pulls, and him too) up.

The funny thing is, DH is extremely empathetic to DD but almost seems jealous of our DS (and me, also!). DH has a ton of insecurities. He treats DS (and me) how he was treated (badly).  DH is big on DD "feeling heard" (as he was not), but will give DS and me a hard time and be extremely dismissive (like his mom is of him and all her kids, except one, really).  He was really big on discipline for DS, but DD could basically get away with burning the house down, and DH would probably say "oh, she didn't realize (excuses here)". I don't feel like he is doing either of them any favors.

It took me a long time to get the family to come together for family dinners, because DH was treated so badly during family dinners (by his family), for example.  Now, he triangulates and sees it as an opportunity for his shenanigans.  He picks sides and will make sure DD gets what she wants, but piles it on (in a negative fashion) or DS.

Control issues and negativity feed into what he does. [/quote]

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