Reply to My mother keeps saying that she wants a divorce

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Reply to "My mother keeps saying that she wants a divorce"

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[quote=Anonymous]Please, OP, are you in therapy for yourself?

Your mother and father are BOTH abusive.  It is possible to be both a victim and an abuser, and sadly your mother is that.  You learned this week that you are truly not safe with her, and that she will like and endanger YOUR children in order to protect her abusive husband.  (False reports against you are a serious risk to your family.)

She didn’t protect you when your dad abused you before, and she is putting your own children at risk now.

I know you hurt because she is hurting and you want to protect her.  You can tell her that you love her and will support her if and when she wants to leave.  You can make her aware of support and resources.  But please do not ever bring the children to that house again.  If she accuses you of keeping her from the grandchildren, own that proudly.  You are keeping them safe.  When she has a safe home for them - if she leaves - you will happily bring them there.  But please keep this boundary firm.  You do not realize how steeped you are in this abuse cycle, OP.  It is too normal for you.

You are a GOOD mom for holding this boundary.  Your parents didn’t protect you and you can’t fix what is wrong with them.  Love your mom from a distance until/unless  she is ready to leave  and protect yourself and the kids.  Extricate yourself from the business ASAP to keep the boundaries cleaner and make sure they have no leverage against you don’t the safest thing.

I wish you luck.  I’m sorry he is so abusive and that she has become so as well.[/quote]

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