Reply to Feeling sad that daughter seems to be gay

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One more point here -- OP, your expectations may have actually made a climate that means your daughter is scared to come out to you. If you're always talking about her future husband or boyfriend or have made it so the expectation is heteronormativity, she already knows you're going to be "sad."

She may not be gay. But for the sake of your kid, start now by speaking positively about the topic. Mention a lesbian couple in the news. Say "boyfriend or girlfriend" the next time something like that comes up in conversation. Create the climate now.... don't wait. [/quote]

OP, I cannot endorse this advice enough.  I never formally came out to my parents -- they just always left the gender of my future partner out of the equation and so do I (I'm bi).

Aside from how much I personally appreciated this method as a teen, I also think this will be a good way for you to work through your disappointment.  As you change how you talk about your daughter's future, you can start building dreams that are more widely inclusive of those possibilities -- the wedding you're imagining would work just as well with a second bride as with a groom; the grandchildren your dreaming of might tell you seriously that they feel sorry for all the kids who only have ONE mom.

I wouldn't worry too much about "society thinks" if I were you.  Do you wish you were a man?  I don't, even though I suppose I would have more societal privilege and be safer traveling to certain places if I were.  I also don't want to be straight.[/quote]

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