Reply to Feeling extremely discouraged. A rant.

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[quote=Anonymous]Immediate PP here. I reread your OP and want to make a couple points.

He said what he said in the beginning of the pandemic. Its been a LONG slog. Its hard to do stuff right now with young kids. So, you know what--the arrangement is not working out for him anymore. While this may feel frustrating to you because of work and finances, I think the reasonable solution is to get a nanny or daycare or something. Just do it. This is one HUGE source of stress that is removed.

secondly you do not communicate because you are so angry, But you do communicate that you are angry in many ways. . This is not healthy. You have a lot of work to do as well on dealing with your feelings (maybe teletherapy) and finding a place and way back to your husband to talk about things.

Forget the childcare and bean counting. and get to a place where you can each state a vision of what your want your lives to be like and family life together. I am willing to bet that if your DH got a full time job, even if not as high earning as before, 90% of your resentment would go away. That's the issue that is at the core of this, and your anger toward him is because you perceive him to be selfish by holding out for an unrealistic job (its been close to 5 years--his prospects are getting worse, not better, and someone needs to give him a dose of reality).

Take a deep breath, realize that this is temporary, put aside a lot of your resentment until you are in a place that you can process it more healthily.  Sit down and tell him that you understand this situation is not working for him, and its not working for you, and you need to revisit childcare. That you dont want him stressed and unhappy at home with small kids all day and childcare seems like a better solution, but that is also a financial burden that increases stress and you want to talk about what his goals are for a realistic job pathway forward, or pickig up more contract work, etc. Try, however, to express the concept that you and he are on the same team, trying to solve a problem (pandemic, childcare, work) rather than enemies.

Giving up on certain arguments for teh sake of peace and progress doesn't mean "giving in," it means choosing a wise strategy for the best outcome for your whole family.

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