Reply to Wife resents me for not earning more

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[quote=Anonymous]OP this sounds really hard and I'm sorry people aren't being particularly kind. It sounds like maybe you guys were victim to lifestyle creep but that you've addressed that by downsizing so good for you, that's not easy to do. I really think the solution is not for you to change your job, you make a good salary at a job you love that gives you time with your family. THat is a unicorn and something your wife should be happy about and the only reason she isn't is  because she is deeply unhappy with her job. You all need to focus on finding ways out for her. Not necessarily to not working, but you need to, together as partners, make a plan and start coming up with ideas to get her out of this lifestyle of intense work that she is in. Maybe she works in her intense specialization but part time (so that it's more like full time). Yes you willl have a salary cut but even if you make 260k combined that should be doable.

I agree with you that your wife probably could not predict how she would feel after kids. I had a similar problem. I was/am pretty career driven, had my baby and was completely and utterly shocked how much a part of me really wanted to be home with him and how DEEP the guilt was for being away. It's still a struggle but I have a flexible not long hours job so have been able to make it work. I think your wife resents less that you don't make a ton, but that you have a job you love that allows you to spend time with your kids. At the end of the day, if I'm putting myself in her shoes since i relate to her childcare feelings, that is the biggest issue.

Since your debt burden has gone down so much, you just have to have to have to prioritize finding a different path for your wife workwise so she doesn't stay miserable. Even if that means really throwing on your head what you all expected in terms of her career or earning potential over time.

Again, I'm really sorry. to me this isn't that you all did anything wrong but more that law SUCKS in so many ways and sucks the life out of people. Your wife isn't unahppy with you, she's unhappy. She wants to prioritize her family and isn't sure how. I think couples therapy could help you all navigate this and come up with ideas but you'll both have to be willing to think outsdie the box. and you leaving your job so you're also miserable does NOT sound like a solution.[/quote]

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