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General Parenting Discussion
Reply to "Holding back advanced child for social reasons"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a middle school counselor in a public school, and I see time and time again the difficulty students who are the youngest and behind socially have. My first thought is that kids with September birthdays are rarely the oldest - that honor is for the summer babies (June, July and August) who were held back! Second, I think height has very little to do with it, as kids this age come in all shapes and sizes. With the scores you mentioned, your child should qualify for target/gifted/advanced classes, so hopefully, boredom wouldn't be an issue. There may be some repetition, but in those instances, ask his teachers for extension activities or do a quick Google search for ideas. Also, not always, but [b]I frequently see younger (even very bright) students struggle with the organizational expectations in middle school.[/b] Multiple teachers, notebooks, lockers, etc. can be tough to manage and require maturity. Socially speaking, it's not just about whether or not he'll have an easier time making friends, [b]it's also about his peers' interests and experiences. When fellow classmates are talking about dating, going through puberty, and worrying about social media, that can put a great deal of pressure on a child who is not "there" yet. That could happen even if he's the oldest, but it's more likely to happen when a child is the youngest and less socially/physically mature. You have to also think about high school. Academics are important, but spending potentially seven years of your life feeling behind socially can take a toll. [/b] It sounds as if you've done a great job explaining the differences in placement in his current school and public and have helped him understand this decision isn't about his intelligence or academic performance. Yea mom! Each year I support students younger than everyone else who thrive, those older than everyone else who struggle, and students everywhere in between. There is no set answer for the hold back/move ahead question. I would encourage you to talk with the middle school, talk with his current teachers, and try to think about more than just academics when making the decision. Good luck to you![/quote] Thank you, thank you for such a thoughtful response. I bolded the items you eloquently said that I did not have the words for but are concerns. Especially coming from a school where the structure is very different and they don't have homework or tests to organize and prepare for. He doesn't struggle socially now in his current environment, but I feel puberty plus a new school could change that and being on the older side vs youngest would be an easier adjustment.[/quote] All that academic stuff is normal for any child and that's a regular concern of most parents, it was us and ours had no issue adjusting. There is very little homework in middle school. The nice thing about middle school is more kids and he'll find someone. We have a young 6th grader and its been no issue at all with the transition. I had a all the same worries but child loves middle school and has a mix of 6-7th grade friends.[/quote]
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