Anonymous wrote:My son has a late fall birthday and young for his current grade (5th). He currently goes to a small private school where 4-6th grade work all together and he has always been able to work at whatever level he needs. He is currently working on materials 2-3 grades above 5th grade in core subjects and tests 95-99% on standardized tests. He will stay in 6th grade at private, but then switch to public after. When he switches, I am thinking of sending him to public 6th instead of 7th. He doesn't know anyone so it won't be an issue of kids knowing he was "held back." He is small for his age and sensitive. Our public schools are underperforming and a pretty rough environment overall. I feel like he will do better socially being older instead of younger. But that would put him light years ahead of most his peer academically (our public school is below state proficiency averages). I think it may be ok though because starting in middle school, our district has an excellent and rigerous academically talented program where the qualifying kids are taking to a partnering state university for their core classes.

Has anyone held an older child back for purely social reasons even though they were academically advanced?

Anonymous wrote:You are worried about your child's self esteem and being in a tough environment. You don't think that being held back won't impact a smart kid's self esteem? What will he think about himself? Are you sowing seeds of doubt and capability? Why not work on improving how your child handles social situations and help him grow a thicker skin over the next year.? By sixth grade many parents aren't coddling their kids like you and many kids are pulling away from their parents. I have a young for his age 4th grader. I couldn't imagine telling him that next year he's going to repeat the same grade. He would be upset and it would very likely change his perspective on how he thinks of himself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle school counselor in a public school, and I see time and time again the difficulty students who are the youngest and behind socially have. My first thought is that kids with September birthdays are rarely the oldest - that honor is for the summer babies (June, July and August) who were held back! Second, I think height has very little to do with it, as kids this age come in all shapes and sizes.

With the scores you mentioned, your child should qualify for target/gifted/advanced classes, so hopefully, boredom wouldn't be an issue. There may be some repetition, but in those instances, ask his teachers for extension activities or do a quick Google search for ideas. Also, not always, but I frequently see younger (even very bright) students struggle with the organizational expectations in middle school. Multiple teachers, notebooks, lockers, etc. can be tough to manage and require maturity.

Socially speaking, it's not just about whether or not he'll have an easier time making friends, it's also about his peers' interests and experiences. When fellow classmates are talking about dating, going through puberty, and worrying about social media, that can put a great deal of pressure on a child who is not "there" yet. That could happen even if he's the oldest, but it's more likely to happen when a child is the youngest and less socially/physically mature.

You have to also think about high school. Academics are important, but spending potentially seven years of your life feeling behind socially can take a toll.

It sounds as if you've done a great job explaining the differences in placement in his current school and public and have helped him understand this decision isn't about his intelligence or academic performance. Yea mom!

Each year I support students younger than everyone else who thrive, those older than everyone else who struggle, and students everywhere in between. There is no set answer for the hold back/move ahead question. I would encourage you to talk with the middle school, talk with his current teachers, and try to think about more than just academics when making the decision. Good luck to you!

Thank you, thank you for such a thoughtful response. I bolded the items you eloquently said that I did not have the words for but are concerns. Especially coming from a school where the structure is very different and they don't have homework or tests to organize and prepare for. He doesn't struggle socially now in his current environment, but I feel puberty plus a new school could change that and being on the older side vs youngest would be an easier adjustment.

All that academic stuff is normal for any child and that's a regular concern of most parents, it was us and ours had no issue adjusting. There is very little homework in middle school. The nice thing about middle school is more kids and he'll find someone. We have a young 6th grader and its been no issue at all with the transition. I had a all the same worries but child loves middle school and has a mix of 6-7th grade friends.

You are correct that all students have to manage the "academic stuff" and that most parents have similar concerns, but you would be incorrect to assume that all kids figure it out with the same level of effort or in the same amount of time. I live in an area where we were virtual Q1 and where students had the opportunity to return to school for Q2, so many of my students are wrapping up almost 8 weeks back in the building. Just yesterday, I had a 6th grade boy angry and crying in my office because his notebook paper didn't move easily across the rings in his binder. I can't tell you the number of gifted students I support each year who have a very difficult time accepting that studying in middle school requires more than studying 15 minutes the night before a test in order to earn an A. It's not because they don't care, they just haven't had to work at the same level before. Every year I have students overwhelmed beyond the first few weeks of school with changing classes and remembering locker codes (and the right, left, right method of opening). I have about 500 students per grade and am in a school where almost half are identified as gifted. Another 25ish% qualify for some advanced classes, even though they don't officially qualify for gifted. I promise you, I fully understand gifted students and their academic needs. They are all amazing in various ways, but intelligence does not override anxiety, stress, or immaturity. As I mentioned above, there is no set answer to OP's question, but I have concerns when I see replies only focused on the academic perspective. If we're talking the next "Doogie Howser," then sure, holding back probably won't make much of a difference socially. However, that type of student is not the norm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle school counselor in a public school, and I see time and time again the difficulty students who are the youngest and behind socially have. My first thought is that kids with September birthdays are rarely the oldest - that honor is for the summer babies (June, July and August) who were held back! Second, I think height has very little to do with it, as kids this age come in all shapes and sizes.

With the scores you mentioned, your child should qualify for target/gifted/advanced classes, so hopefully, boredom wouldn't be an issue. There may be some repetition, but in those instances, ask his teachers for extension activities or do a quick Google search for ideas. Also, not always, but I frequently see younger (even very bright) students struggle with the organizational expectations in middle school. Multiple teachers, notebooks, lockers, etc. can be tough to manage and require maturity.

Socially speaking, it's not just about whether or not he'll have an easier time making friends, it's also about his peers' interests and experiences. When fellow classmates are talking about dating, going through puberty, and worrying about social media, that can put a great deal of pressure on a child who is not "there" yet. That could happen even if he's the oldest, but it's more likely to happen when a child is the youngest and less socially/physically mature.

You have to also think about high school. Academics are important, but spending potentially seven years of your life feeling behind socially can take a toll.

It sounds as if you've done a great job explaining the differences in placement in his current school and public and have helped him understand this decision isn't about his intelligence or academic performance. Yea mom!

Each year I support students younger than everyone else who thrive, those older than everyone else who struggle, and students everywhere in between. There is no set answer for the hold back/move ahead question. I would encourage you to talk with the middle school, talk with his current teachers, and try to think about more than just academics when making the decision. Good luck to you!

Thank you, thank you for such a thoughtful response. I bolded the items you eloquently said that I did not have the words for but are concerns. Especially coming from a school where the structure is very different and they don't have homework or tests to organize and prepare for. He doesn't struggle socially now in his current environment, but I feel puberty plus a new school could change that and being on the older side vs youngest would be an easier adjustment.

All that academic stuff is normal for any child and that's a regular concern of most parents, it was us and ours had no issue adjusting. There is very little homework in middle school. The nice thing about middle school is more kids and he'll find someone. We have a young 6th grader and its been no issue at all with the transition. I had a all the same worries but child loves middle school and has a mix of 6-7th grade friends.

No way. And he won’t do any better socially. Many gifted kids struggle socially because they can’t relate to kids who are so different from them intellectually. Being with younger kids isn’t going to help.

Anonymous wrote:What is late fall? If after September 30th, he will be old for the class in public.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle school counselor in a public school, and I see time and time again the difficulty students who are the youngest and behind socially have. My first thought is that kids with September birthdays are rarely the oldest - that honor is for the summer babies (June, July and August) who were held back! Second, I think height has very little to do with it, as kids this age come in all shapes and sizes.

With the scores you mentioned, your child should qualify for target/gifted/advanced classes, so hopefully, boredom wouldn't be an issue. There may be some repetition, but in those instances, ask his teachers for extension activities or do a quick Google search for ideas. Also, not always, but I frequently see younger (even very bright) students struggle with the organizational expectations in middle school. Multiple teachers, notebooks, lockers, etc. can be tough to manage and require maturity.

Socially speaking, it's not just about whether or not he'll have an easier time making friends, it's also about his peers' interests and experiences. When fellow classmates are talking about dating, going through puberty, and worrying about social media, that can put a great deal of pressure on a child who is not "there" yet. That could happen even if he's the oldest, but it's more likely to happen when a child is the youngest and less socially/physically mature.

You have to also think about high school. Academics are important, but spending potentially seven years of your life feeling behind socially can take a toll.

It sounds as if you've done a great job explaining the differences in placement in his current school and public and have helped him understand this decision isn't about his intelligence or academic performance. Yea mom!

Each year I support students younger than everyone else who thrive, those older than everyone else who struggle, and students everywhere in between. There is no set answer for the hold back/move ahead question. I would encourage you to talk with the middle school, talk with his current teachers, and try to think about more than just academics when making the decision. Good luck to you!

Thank you, thank you for such a thoughtful response. I bolded the items you eloquently said that I did not have the words for but are concerns. Especially coming from a school where the structure is very different and they don't have homework or tests to organize and prepare for. He doesn't struggle socially now in his current environment, but I feel puberty plus a new school could change that and being on the older side vs youngest would be an easier adjustment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle school counselor in a public school, and I see time and time again the difficulty students who are the youngest and behind socially have. My first thought is that kids with September birthdays are rarely the oldest - that honor is for the summer babies (June, July and August) who were held back! Second, I think height has very little to do with it, as kids this age come in all shapes and sizes.

With the scores you mentioned, your child should qualify for target/gifted/advanced classes, so hopefully, boredom wouldn't be an issue. There may be some repetition, but in those instances, ask his teachers for extension activities or do a quick Google search for ideas. Also, not always, but I frequently see younger (even very bright) students struggle with the organizational expectations in middle school. Multiple teachers, notebooks, lockers, etc. can be tough to manage and require maturity.

Socially speaking, it's not just about whether or not he'll have an easier time making friends, it's also about his peers' interests and experiences. When fellow classmates are talking about dating, going through puberty, and worrying about social media, that can put a great deal of pressure on a child who is not "there" yet. That could happen even if he's the oldest, but it's more likely to happen when a child is the youngest and less socially/physically mature.

You have to also think about high school. Academics are important, but spending potentially seven years of your life feeling behind socially can take a toll.

It sounds as if you've done a great job explaining the differences in placement in his current school and public and have helped him understand this decision isn't about his intelligence or academic performance. Yea mom!

Each year I support students younger than everyone else who thrive, those older than everyone else who struggle, and students everywhere in between. There is no set answer for the hold back/move ahead question. I would encourage you to talk with the middle school, talk with his current teachers, and try to think about more than just academics when making the decision. Good luck to you!

Thank you, thank you for such a thoughtful response. I bolded the items you eloquently said that I did not have the words for but are concerns. Especially coming from a school where the structure is very different and they don't have homework or tests to organize and prepare for. He doesn't struggle socially now in his current environment, but I feel puberty plus a new school could change that and being on the older side vs youngest would be an easier adjustment.

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle school counselor in a public school, and I see time and time again the difficulty students who are the youngest and behind socially have. My first thought is that kids with September birthdays are rarely the oldest - that honor is for the summer babies (June, July and August) who were held back! Second, I think height has very little to do with it, as kids this age come in all shapes and sizes.

With the scores you mentioned, your child should qualify for target/gifted/advanced classes, so hopefully, boredom wouldn't be an issue. There may be some repetition, but in those instances, ask his teachers for extension activities or do a quick Google search for ideas. Also, not always, but I frequently see younger (even very bright) students struggle with the organizational expectations in middle school. Multiple teachers, notebooks, lockers, etc. can be tough to manage and require maturity.

Socially speaking, it's not just about whether or not he'll have an easier time making friends, it's also about his peers' interests and experiences. When fellow classmates are talking about dating, going through puberty, and worrying about social media, that can put a great deal of pressure on a child who is not "there" yet. That could happen even if he's the oldest, but it's more likely to happen when a child is the youngest and less socially/physically mature.

You have to also think about high school. Academics are important, but spending potentially seven years of your life feeling behind socially can take a toll.

It sounds as if you've done a great job explaining the differences in placement in his current school and public and have helped him understand this decision isn't about his intelligence or academic performance. Yea mom!

Each year I support students younger than everyone else who thrive, those older than everyone else who struggle, and students everywhere in between. There is no set answer for the hold back/move ahead question. I would encourage you to talk with the middle school, talk with his current teachers, and try to think about more than just academics when making the decision. Good luck to you!