Reply to Flame Me: I don't think affairs are generally a big deal

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, I am with you. I think affairs are about the person who has them, not about the marriage. There are lots of posts on DCUM where people are blindsided by an affair because they have a good marriage.

I have told my DH if he has an affair he better not tell me, I don’t want to know that he effed up. I also tell him how angry I would be that he effed up, so it’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that I think if I believe I have an awesome marriage - he treats me well, is a good father, listens to me, provides me emotional and physical intimacy - then him effing up doesn’t really change those facts.

And please stop with the “I couldn’t take all the deceit” — if you have kids, they lie all the time. Small lies when they are small, and bigger ones when they get older (and you also lied to your parents). Do you not refuse to have a relationship with them once you find out that they have lied? Of course you don’t. [/quote]

Until you contract an STD or he knocks another woman up...

Therapists” have no “Duty to Warn,” betrayed partners because of patient confidentiality. (even though most Infidels don’t practice safe sex)…..gee…. But isn’t that leading us firmly into language of human rights issues or domestic violence towards unaware partners? Oh No! way too controversial and threatening. Besides it interferes with the cultural, “ME,” and what I want…….. and…… even peoples ‘incomes.

I would always want to know the truth of my marriage and the risks for my own health and family safety.  I don't believe anyone can keep a lie like that, a double life, and not have it bleed into the marriage in some way.  The turmoil inside eventually catches up with the cheater in some way.  It's hard work to keep lies going.[/quote]

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