Reply to Is being married and having children a barometer of success?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find the attitude of others about how there must be something weird or wrong with someone who reaches XXXX age unmarried so rude and smug. Probably because it applies to me. It makes me feel totally worthless and like another person posted, 'expired.'.

I'm a successful woman in my late 30s, but I spent my 30s pursuing a demanding career and in school, but mostly was preoccupied taking care of an ill family member.There was no one else that could help, although I guess I could have just said,' not my problem,' but I didn't.... I didn't have time to devote to a relationship, and I was completely emotionally spent from caretaking. Guess what, sometimes life isn't easy and doesn't follow the same map as everyone. I told myself that to make myself feel better, and make it through some really tough, low times.

Now that I'm on the other side of all of that I am 'weird' or 'off', since I don't have a divorce under my belt, I guess. What's the point in trying now? I used to think it was a plus that I had made it through all these tough things, now I find out I'm weird because I've reached the dreaded age where SOMETHING must be wrong since I'm single.

Please think before you're so smug and dismissive about other people. We all don't get the same opportunities or luck. The older I get the more I think it's luck. When you aren't lucky enough to have the freedom to go out every night you don't have much luck. And then it's too late because you're expired. 
[/quote]

PP, I agree with you and I'm married. Some of the most interesting, beautiful, kind-hearted and successful people I know have never married. I think it is just luck of timing. Not just finding the right person but also being in a life stage that can accommodate dating and marriage at the same time as the other person. And it happens to men and to women. I think you have to ignore these people talking about "damage" -- they are mostly 20 somethings expressing a cultural attitude that scares them (and is also ruining their youth by making them so desperate to get married). Or they are married people trying to feel smug and superior about being married because they are insecure about other things in their lives.

Also, my friend and neighbor, an extraordinary woman in her 40s, who has been single for years because her work requires extensive travel all over the world, recently met an equally wonderful person, also in his 40s, who loves how much she travels (he is from another country and also travels a lot) and loves how grounded and mature she is. It has been so sweet watching them fall in love. We had dinner with them a few weeks ago on their back deck and I remember thinking how wonderful it is that they both spent so much time becoming the amazing people they are and then get to share that with each other. If they'd met in their 20s, I wonder if they would have even cared. I think they both would have had too much wanderlust to want to tie themselves down back then.

Anyway, life is more variables than these narrow-minded people are making it out to be. Don't let their silly little assertions overrule what you know is true, which is that you are a valuable person who deserves happiness an any age, no matter your marital status or whether or not you have kids.[/quote]

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