Anonymous wrote:I find the attitude of others about how there must be something weird or wrong with someone who reaches XXXX age unmarried so rude and smug. Probably because it applies to me. It makes me feel totally worthless and like another person posted, 'expired.'.

I'm a successful woman in my late 30s, but I spent my 30s pursuing a demanding career and in school, but mostly was preoccupied taking care of an ill family member.There was no one else that could help, although I guess I could have just said,' not my problem,' but I didn't.... I didn't have time to devote to a relationship, and I was completely emotionally spent from caretaking. Guess what, sometimes life isn't easy and doesn't follow the same map as everyone. I told myself that to make myself feel better, and make it through some really tough, low times.

Now that I'm on the other side of all of that I am 'weird' or 'off', since I don't have a divorce under my belt, I guess. What's the point in trying now? I used to think it was a plus that I had made it through all these tough things, now I find out I'm weird because I've reached the dreaded age where SOMETHING must be wrong since I'm single.

Please think before you're so smug and dismissive about other people. We all don't get the same opportunities or luck. The older I get the more I think it's luck. When you aren't lucky enough to have the freedom to go out every night you don't have much luck. And then it's too late because you're expired.

Anonymous wrote:I find the attitude of others about how there must be something weird or wrong with someone who reaches XXXX age unmarried so rude and smug. Probably because it applies to me. It makes me feel totally worthless and like another person posted, 'expired.'.

I'm a successful woman in my late 30s, but I spent my 30s pursuing a demanding career and in school, but mostly was preoccupied taking care of an ill family member.There was no one else that could help, although I guess I could have just said,' not my problem,' but I didn't.... I didn't have time to devote to a relationship, and I was completely emotionally spent from caretaking. Guess what, sometimes life isn't easy and doesn't follow the same map as everyone. I told myself that to make myself feel better, and make it through some really tough, low times.

Now that I'm on the other side of all of that I am 'weird' or 'off', since I don't have a divorce under my belt, I guess. What's the point in trying now? I used to think it was a plus that I had made it through all these tough things, now I find out I'm weird because I've reached the dreaded age where SOMETHING must be wrong since I'm single.

Please think before you're so smug and dismissive about other people. We all don't get the same opportunities or luck. The older I get the more I think it's luck. When you aren't lucky enough to have the freedom to go out every night you don't have much luck. And then it's too late because you're expired.

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Anonymous wrote:How do you know there "good guys"? Just because there successful, respected, handsome etc doesn't mean there not a cheating lying asshat to there wives.

My husband is probably what you would consider low quality since he's a little over weight, not a 10, nor earning 6 figures and respected by all. But he's loyal, family orieand always puts me and our daughters above himself. Oh and my daughters are very well rounded, educated and self sufficient in not needing a man to get what they want.

I would say I hit the jackpot but what do I know I married a lower middle classman

This. I married my college sweetheart who was one of these “good guys” for many years. Then he hit his forties, experienced a midlife crisis, checked out of our marriage, and even worse, checked out of parenting. He has moved out, goes to the gym 5-6 nights a week and then socializes with his gym buddies afterward, and tries to find time to have dinner with our kids (who are not yet teenagers) once a week, but it’s hard to do because he works such a demanding job. I’d trade places with this pp in a heartbeat. I’m so glad she realizes and appreciates the gem she has.

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Anonymous wrote:Meh, i come from my own perspective that unless she has a satisfying job, i see nothing successful about a woman with babies who got married to a nice guy. Because i'm not sure how any of that is an accomplishment.

Woman with nice husband, kids and good job? success!

Woman with no husband or kids, but good job, and she is happy with her life? Success!

Woman with nice husband and kids, who piddles around with zumba and the PTA? I mean, she hasn't "achieved" anything, so i'd call that a neutral.

Woman with husband, kids and job or no job, who's not happy? Not a success.

Why is there no room in the equation for: If the woman with the nice husband and kids, Zumba and PTA is happy, that’s a success - ? People find meaning and happiness in different things, and that’s okay.

Because they literally haven't succeeded at anything. Happy? Sure. Success? No.

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Four of my closest friends are not married and don't have kids (and will not, at this point) and they are incredibly successful and worthy people.

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Anonymous wrote:Meh, i come from my own perspective that unless she has a satisfying job, i see nothing successful about a woman with babies who got married to a nice guy. Because i'm not sure how any of that is an accomplishment.

Woman with nice husband, kids and good job? success!

Woman with no husband or kids, but good job, and she is happy with her life? Success!

Woman with nice husband and kids, who piddles around with zumba and the PTA? I mean, she hasn't "achieved" anything, so i'd call that a neutral.

Woman with husband, kids and job or no job, who's not happy? Not a success.

Why is there no room in the equation for: If the woman with the nice husband and kids, Zumba and PTA is happy, that’s a success - ? People find meaning and happiness in different things, and that’s okay.

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Anonymous wrote:I admit, whenever I see a woman married to a "good guy" and by that I mean, someone desirable and high quality with good character, well respected and an overall decent guy, I am envious. It is challenging to meet and date these types of guys so if she is one who manages to get and settle down with one, I consider it an accomplishment. Having 1 or 2 well adjusted kids rates her success even higher.

I do not think it is an accomplishment to marry or procreate with low quality guys. I guess its biology. Women choose to mate with the highest quality man possible. Those who can are winners.

It's not hard if you meet and settle down right after college or before late twenties.

This is true. In my observation, these guys are the first to exit the dating scene and marry college GFs or the girls they meet upon graduation. I also suspect the longer someone has been in the dating pool, the more damaged or broken they are.

I basically agree, but I think there's a good pool of guys until the mid to late 20's. Most good guys get nervous about approaching 30 without getting married so they can start a family. Any guy who's still single by early to mid 30's is usually damaged. Avoid any guy who's 35 + and never been married, unless they were in a 10 year coma or something else extreme.

What about guys in their 30s and forties who are divorced?

I suffered from bad social anxiety, but with help I overcame it. Too bad women see me as damaged since I never married. Why even bother dating/trying...I have expired.

As a 33 year old woman I am the same. I was socially awkward even though I was raised in a loving home with two doting parents. Due to lack of experience I picked the wrong guy who ended up having mental health issues and here I am. Childless and divorced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, i come from my own perspective that unless she has a satisfying job, i see nothing successful about a woman with babies who got married to a nice guy. Because i'm not sure how any of that is an accomplishment.

Woman with nice husband, kids and good job? success!

Woman with no husband or kids, but good job, and she is happy with her life? Success!

Woman with nice husband and kids, who piddles around with zumba and the PTA? I mean, she hasn't "achieved" anything, so i'd call that a neutral.

Woman with husband, kids and job or no job, who's not happy? Not a success.

Why is there no room in the equation for: If the woman with the nice husband and kids, Zumba and PTA is happy, that’s a success - ? People find meaning and happiness in different things, and that’s okay.

DP. Being happy isn’t being a success. They’re just different things. If being successful isn’t important to you, there are more ways to be happy.

Anonymous wrote:I married a surgeon and have two bright well adjusted kids. I am very thankful for my situation. I also work full time professionally so my feeling of success comes from that, not my husband or kids. I have single friends in their 40s who never married and I know how lonely they are and regretful that they will never have kids. But it was something that was important to me, and I had to go out there and date a lot of people until I found the right one, and be they type of woman that they wanted to marry (wear makeup, dress well, stay thin). It also takes A LOT of compromise, I had to put my career on hold, deal with his long hours, and I completely understand that some women don’t want to change who they are. But I’m happy and would do it over again in a heartbeat.

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Anonymous wrote:I admit, whenever I see a woman married to a "good guy" and by that I mean, someone desirable and high quality with good character, well respected and an overall decent guy, I am envious. It is challenging to meet and date these types of guys so if she is one who manages to get and settle down with one, I consider it an accomplishment. Having 1 or 2 well adjusted kids rates her success even higher.

I do not think it is an accomplishment to marry or procreate with low quality guys. I guess its biology. Women choose to mate with the highest quality man possible. Those who can are winners.

It's not hard if you meet and settle down right after college or before late twenties.

This is true. In my observation, these guys are the first to exit the dating scene and marry college GFs or the girls they meet upon graduation. I also suspect the longer someone has been in the dating pool, the more damaged or broken they are.

I basically agree, but I think there's a good pool of guys until the mid to late 20's. Most good guys get nervous about approaching 30 without getting married so they can start a family. Any guy who's still single by early to mid 30's is usually damaged. Avoid any guy who's 35 + and never been married, unless they were in a 10 year coma or something else extreme.

What about guys in their 30s and forties who are divorced?

I suffered from bad social anxiety, but with help I overcame it. Too bad women see me as damaged since I never married. Why even bother dating/trying...I have expired.