Reply to How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have decided to continue social isolation as much as possible.  It’s not hard for us since we have a great nanny (who lives alone and only sees us) and I have always worked from home.  Without DH’s commute and the gyms closed, he’s also home more.  We’re lucky, I know.  It seems over the past week, I get a daily call from a friend asking if DS is going to return to a class or for a play date.  The first couple times I told the truth and just said we were continuing with strict social distancing and have been met with nearly angry responses.  I must be wording it wrong.  Please tell me how to respond without eliciting defensive or angry mocking.

Same in normal times when the subject of TV comes up.  We don’t let DS watch anything including when his classes went remote (which is why it came up) and not for play dates when we were having them.

Thanks. [/quote]

Honestly - I think you just need to be comfortable with people strongly disagreeing with you and expressing that disagreement. If you're expecting people to just say "oh you're right that's great" then you're not being realistic. If people are saying "that's crazy!" then just say "well, to each his own" and change the subject.

There is no magical way to say something people disagree with and have them not disagree.

Now if people are really reacting with strong anger (yelling at you, cursing, calling you stupid) then your issue is that the people you're talking to are jerks, and you should downgrade those relationships accordingly. But I think this post would be very different if that's what was going on.

Just out of curiosity - were you fairly popular (or at least well liked) throughout middle and high school? I find this kind of attitude is common among adults who were always popular growing up. They just never got comfortable doing things and being judged negatively for them. While people who went through a period of everyone mocking them for whatever stupid stuff middle schoolers care about (myself included!) tend to be more comfortable being out of the mainstream as adults. It's a theory - could be wrong though, doesn't change my answer. [/quote]

I'm the PP - thought of something I wanted to add. Lots of people up thread are suggesting just not mentioning your reasons, saying no without explanation, etc. This is a really good path for people that you need strong boundaries with - an overbearing parent, a bully fellow parent at daycare, a colleague. But I think if you respond to everyone this way, including close friends, you're putting up walls that prevent true connection over time. I wouldn't ever end up close friends with someone who responded in that way. Something else to think about. [/quote]

Excellent advice.  Thank you.  OP here and yes, your assumptions about my high school life are spot on. [/quote]

DP. You have two choices now, OP. You can grow and learn to be comfortable with disagreement and/or a lack of validation. Or you can choose to surround yourself with an echo chamber who will only validate you. Personally, I think PPs advice is spot on.[/quote]

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