Anonymous
Post 06/19/2020 17:54     Subject: How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?
Anonymous wrote:We have decided to continue social isolation as much as possible. It’s not hard for us since we have a great nanny (who lives alone and only sees us) and I have always worked from home. Without DH’s commute and the gyms closed, he’s also home more. We’re lucky, I know. It seems over the past week, I get a daily call from a friend asking if DS is going to return to a class or for a play date. The first couple times I told the truth and just said we were continuing with strict social distancing and have been met with nearly angry responses. I must be wording it wrong. Please tell me how to respond without eliciting defensive or angry mocking.

Same in normal times when the subject of TV comes up. We don’t let DS watch anything including when his classes went remote (which is why it came up) and not for play dates when we were having them.

Thanks.
f

this is life for many people with chronic illness or otherwise immunocompromised systems. REad their work.
Anonymous
Post 06/19/2020 12:42     Subject: How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?
Anonymous wrote:Why do ppl shove TV down their kids' throats? My kids see it enough at other kids' houses. We don't need that sh*t at home.



Umm because kids like tv shows? Sorry you don’t.
Anonymous
Post 06/19/2020 12:20     Subject: How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?
Why do ppl shove TV down their kids' throats? My kids see it enough at other kids' houses. We don't need that sh*t at home.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2020 21:22     Subject: How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?
Anonymous wrote:We have decided to continue social isolation as much as possible. It’s not hard for us since we have a great nanny (who lives alone and only sees us) and I have always worked from home. Without DH’s commute and the gyms closed, he’s also home more. We’re lucky, I know. It seems over the past week, I get a daily call from a friend asking if DS is going to return to a class or for a play date. The first couple times I told the truth and just said we were continuing with strict social distancing and have been met with nearly angry responses. I must be wording it wrong. Please tell me how to respond without eliciting defensive or angry mocking.

Same in normal times when the subject of TV comes up. We don’t let DS watch anything including when his classes went remote (which is why it came up) and not for play dates when we were having them.

Thanks.


You sound rigid and absolute, which is fine, but I'll bet my first born that you come off as preachy and judgmental when turning down playdates
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2020 21:20     Subject: Re:How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?
Suggest you get a thicker skin.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2020 20:57     Subject: How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am shocked you get a daily call from friends! Who calls each other these days?


NP here. My friends and parents of kids friends call - I easily get an actual phone call every day from friends. You don’t, I guess.


+1
My friends and I all switched to phone calls during this. We were so alone! Phone calls helped.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2020 20:55     Subject: Re:How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?
The problem isn't in your responses. Their angry responses are because the fact that you're continuing to social distance is threatening to their fingers-in-the-ears-and-chant-LA-LA-LA world that they're constructing for themselves where "it's totally fine" to do whatever the hell they want, and pffft, who needs masks?, because we're not in an ongoing global pandemic of an infectious disease. Some corporate-bought dumbass in an elected position says it's OK, so it must be OK. No critical thinking required. It's like a kid saying "but Mom SAID I could!"

It's the same as the people on these boards who every time someone posts that they're distancing, respond with idiotic comments like "take your Xanax" or "your poor kids." Insecurity. You're making the right decision to protect your family. If they're insecure and angry, just let it roll off and see it for what it is.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2020 20:35     Subject: How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?
Anonymous wrote:I am shocked you get a daily call from friends! Who calls each other these days?


NP here. My friends and parents of kids friends call - I easily get an actual phone call every day from friends. You don’t, I guess.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2020 19:17     Subject: How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?
I am shocked you get a daily call from friends! Who calls each other these days?
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2020 18:59     Subject: How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?
Don't feel bad about this!! My SIL doesn't get quarentine even though she works on healthcare and helps us take care of my FIL. She has grown kids and if she dies, her youngest is 29 and will be fine. We have small children and my DH is high risk and she insists on inviting us and trying to get us to do thing. Some people just have very different ideas. Just say no thank you. Your family is way too important to risk over a playdate.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2020 18:23     Subject: Re:How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?
Anonymous wrote:Use the pregnancy. "Given that I am pregnant, we are being extra-cautious." But, don't get to wrapped up in people's opinions on your choices.


This.

Say: We are being extra cautious because ... I am pregnant, dh is high risk, etc... And then change the subject to something you know your friend wants to talk about. Their job? The fact that little Larla is so advanced for her age? Something that will distract them from your business.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2020 18:01     Subject: How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?
Anonymous wrote:We have decided to continue social isolation as much as possible. It’s not hard for us since we have a great nanny (who lives alone and only sees us) and I have always worked from home. Without DH’s commute and the gyms closed, he’s also home more. We’re lucky, I know. It seems over the past week, I get a daily call from a friend asking if DS is going to return to a class or for a play date. The first couple times I told the truth and just said we were continuing with strict social distancing and have been met with nearly angry responses. I must be wording it wrong. Please tell me how to respond without eliciting defensive or angry mocking.

Same in normal times when the subject of TV comes up. We don’t let DS watch anything including when his classes went remote (which is why it came up) and not for play dates when we were having them.

Thanks.



Who are all these people who are afraid to stand up for what you believe in??

If you’re right, say it. Don’t lie because you’re too afraid to stand up for your own values.

Anonymous
Post 06/18/2020 17:56     Subject: Re:How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?

You can say, *I* am not ready to stop social distancing yet. This gets your point across without expressing your opinions of others. If you get pushback (you are being too uptight, overreacting), simply respond, I am not judging your opinions; please don't judge mine.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2020 16:17     Subject: How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have decided to continue social isolation as much as possible. It’s not hard for us since we have a great nanny (who lives alone and only sees us) and I have always worked from home. Without DH’s commute and the gyms closed, he’s also home more. We’re lucky, I know. It seems over the past week, I get a daily call from a friend asking if DS is going to return to a class or for a play date. The first couple times I told the truth and just said we were continuing with strict social distancing and have been met with nearly angry responses. I must be wording it wrong. Please tell me how to respond without eliciting defensive or angry mocking.

Same in normal times when the subject of TV comes up. We don’t let DS watch anything including when his classes went remote (which is why it came up) and not for play dates when we were having them.

Thanks.


Honestly - I think you just need to be comfortable with people strongly disagreeing with you and expressing that disagreement. If you're expecting people to just say "oh you're right that's great" then you're not being realistic. If people are saying "that's crazy!" then just say "well, to each his own" and change the subject.

There is no magical way to say something people disagree with and have them not disagree.

Now if people are really reacting with strong anger (yelling at you, cursing, calling you stupid) then your issue is that the people you're talking to are jerks, and you should downgrade those relationships accordingly. But I think this post would be very different if that's what was going on.

Just out of curiosity - were you fairly popular (or at least well liked) throughout middle and high school? I find this kind of attitude is common among adults who were always popular growing up. They just never got comfortable doing things and being judged negatively for them. While people who went through a period of everyone mocking them for whatever stupid stuff middle schoolers care about (myself included!) tend to be more comfortable being out of the mainstream as adults. It's a theory - could be wrong though, doesn't change my answer.


I'm the PP - thought of something I wanted to add. Lots of people up thread are suggesting just not mentioning your reasons, saying no without explanation, etc. This is a really good path for people that you need strong boundaries with - an overbearing parent, a bully fellow parent at daycare, a colleague. But I think if you respond to everyone this way, including close friends, you're putting up walls that prevent true connection over time. I wouldn't ever end up close friends with someone who responded in that way. Something else to think about.



Excellent advice. Thank you. OP here and yes, your assumptions about my high school life are spot on.


DP. You have two choices now, OP. You can grow and learn to be comfortable with disagreement and/or a lack of validation. Or you can choose to surround yourself with an echo chamber who will only validate you. Personally, I think PPs advice is spot on.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2020 16:11     Subject: How to avoid discussions when you have unpopular opinions?
Anonymous wrote:I was with you until you said you didn't allow TV, even during the pandemic. You are totally extreme, and giving people still socially distancing (like us) a bad name.


There's nothing extreme about no TV.