Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People cheat because they can. We want to figure it out and reason it out and try to rationalize it and make it make sense: they cheat, because they can. It is that simple. [/quote]
Thanks for the insight, but lots of people have the opportunity to cheat but don't, so this doesn't really hold up. Everyone who cheats "can," but not everyone who "can" cheats. [/quote]

So true.  Cheaters always want to pretend they "couldn't" stop themselves (like nobody would be able to) or they just stumbled into an opportunity.  Neither is really true. It's just what they tell themselves to make themselves feel better.  [b]It's that mentality -- the ability to tell oneself a self-justifying story regardless of the actual reality of a situation -- that makes cheaters cheat. 
[/b]
After I found out about DH's cheating and confronted him, he was desperate to keep our relationship. He agreed to therapy and went with and without me.  I went away for the summer to work and several perfect opportunities to cheat.  He never would have found out.

I decided that wasn't the kind of person I wanted to be.  I would have been justified in cheating since DH had.  I knew our relationship likely wouldn't survive because I knew DH didn't have it in him to be the kind of person that doesn't cheat.  I like sex a lot, so having an affair was very tempting because the cheating made what was formerly great frequent sex with DH feel gross.   But, I'm not the kind of person who lies and hides and has a secret life.  I'm also the kind of person who has some self-restraint.  So, I didn't cheat.  It is as simple as that.  I have control over my body and emotions.  I made a decision.  I stuck with it.

Despite giving DH about 2 years to pull his shit together, he never did.  But, I never cheated on him, despite numerous opportunities. [/quote]
Yes, so true. The ability to justify and rationalize it.

Also, sense of entitlement. Resentment of spouse. Feeling that they "deserve" more/better. Ego boost. Mid-life realization that marriage/spouse isn't enough and life is half over. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics