Reply to I despise my MIL. Return to sender or just accept and not thank her.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not getting into all of the reasons why I can't stand my MIL and refuse to have more than the most minimal necessary contact. I received a text message from MIL copying DH telling me about a gift she's sent me and when to expect it. I half expect it to be a blanket coughed on by a COVID-19 patient or similar.

Since I want nothing to do with this woman and definitely don't want to be perceived as accepting gifts from her, do I just write "return to sender" and put it back in the mailbox or do I just never acknowledge receiving it? [/quote]

I can entirely understand how hurt you must be and you must have all the reason to be.
However, this is the woman who raised your husband. She has some right for respect from him
and unfortunately whatever you do reflects on him because it is not just you it is both of you.
You are part of the time DH.

In reality anything you do will probably have a potential to make the relationship to make worse.
If you accept gift and not give back something or thank in a wrong way or too late or too little.. 
We know the kind of person you described. You can never make it right. Neither at this point you care
and you have your good reasons.

However knowledge is power. Think long term, think grandkids, think your husband and
sometimes the best policy is just not to add an oil to the fire. It is an art to deal with people like
this without getting hurt. Easiest way is to cut of, however easiest does not always mean
it is in the best interest of the DH team.

You made the first important step. Knowing and understanding and recognizing who she is.
Now you don't really need to show her you know her cards do you?
You can play anyway you want.

If I were you, for the sake of the peace and the family I would just accept, thank and move on
and keep what is necessary to keep formal and polite relationship.  Do not get emotional
and do not expect anything good or kind and you are half way there already just by knowing it.
Consider her an unpredictable business partner that could hurt you, she can... so best is
just to be careful and proper with her.

Anything and everything you do can and will be used against you at some point by God only
know who. Her, your husband, your kids, extended family.. because people don't know everything,
because they will know only her side of the story and also because they often takes sides
based on how they feel so don't put yourself in the position of conflict.

Life is a very long proposition. The more peaceful it is the better for everybody.
Compromises, often emotional compromises are often necessary on all sides.

Those who encourage you to go eye for eye have no skin in this game so do not listen to them.
Many people encourage mean and vengeful behaviors because they are immature, or hurt
and want to fight their fight through you. Others just want to see people and families hurt
more then necessary.

[/quote]

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