Reply to 15-yo DS Opens Car Door for a Girl

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My boys (now young adults) always hold the doors open for women.  They’ll also offer their seats, stand when a woman approaches them, etc.  It has nothing to do with women not being capable of doing so. It’s simply a demonstration of respect.  They do the same for older people.  [/quote]

My husband holds the door open for just about everyone. So does my brother. I do too -- I'm a woman but ES taught to hold doors, open car doors, offer to carry packages etc. for elderly people, female or male. Because...manners. And extra attention to the elderly. Or guests. Or just friends.

The angry "women don't need doors held for them!" folks seem threatened and insulted by those who would offer respect. I guess it's seen as disrespectful or infantilizing. It's not coming from that place at all -- unless you choose to put that interpretation on it. But that's coming from those PPs, not from the door-openers. 
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Female here. I really don't understand why certain women have to be so angry and defensive about common decency. I was taught to be considerate of others, so if I am coming to a door and walk through first, I will hold it for the person behind me. I have many times held the door and allowed people to go first--out of a sense of trying to make the world a tiny bit better. (And yes, I try to do a lot to help the world in much bigger ways, but that isn't the point of this thread.)

I have also seen angry people glowering, walking through the busy streets, and then so often they see my tiny, super cute little dog. And it's like the person has no idea anyone is watching, and for maybe 15 seconds you see the person smile, then right back to the glower. I believe people do look for tiny examples of kindness in every day life. To hold a door is just one freaking example.[/quote]

No one in this thread is upset at all about common decency. Did you read the thread? It isn't about everyone helping each other out or being considerate of others. Approaching a door and holding it open for the person behind you is just a common courtesy and I don't think anyone has an issue with that. I might hold the door for the man behind me who holds it for the child behind him who holds it for the teen behind her who holds it for the woman behind him. That is common courtesy. [/quote]

I did read the entire thread, and while there are some people who are fine with and appreciate common decency, there were others (maybe the same person justifying her point??) that equate any male opening a door for a female to patriarchal condescension. I will also add, that my DH is very tall and flies a lot. He has always helped anyone who needs it to get their bags in the overhead bin when they are having trouble. Twice now he has been called out by women simply for offering to help, and in one case the flight attendant had to come over to help because the woman truly couldn't get it up over her head.[/quote]

I think maybe it is my post you are referring to and I have never said (nor has any poster as I just reread the thread) that any male opening a door for a female is patriarchal condescension. The issue at hand is opening a CAR door for someone only because they are female. Not as common courtesy that you would do for anyone. Not someone in need of help. Helping someone who needs help is fine. If your DH offers to help both men and women struggling with luggage - great, that is common courtesy. Assuming a woman will need a man's help with her bag just because she is female is sexist. If you see anyone in trouble, help them out. [/quote]

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