Reply to Children of divorce - how to decide where they live after 18?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - what is your issue? That you don't want your 18 year old living with you after he/she graduates and you want to force them to live at the other parents? Is it a problem kid? If so, I'd hate to think you are trying to make sure you aren't stuck with them. If you want them and aren't sure if the other parent does too, you should discuss it. But I hope you aren't trying to kick out a kid that used to live with you,[/quote]

Not trying to force anything. Just trying to understand how to decide whether to offer or not.

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If your kid is a responsible 18 year old, I don’t see why you wouldn’t offer? What’s his/her plan after graduation? Kicking a teen out at 18, or even saying “I don’t have room for you at my house”, is absolutely devastating to your relationship. Your goal as a parent is to get your teen to want, and have the ability to leave on their own. Many parents keep a room in their home for their kid to come home to during college breaks. If you can’t or don’t want to do that, start preparing now.[/quote]

I understand - but there are two, separate bio parents in this situation. DC has always felt more comfortable with other parent - though that parent is further from university. Considering the challenges we had during the adolescent years (alienation) it would feel like I was just being used as a convenience...

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Do you want a relationship with your adult child? That's partly up to you. Why hold a grudge against a person for what they were like as a not-fully formed teenager whose life was blown up by his/her parents' dysfunction and divorce? I do think that is an unreasonable standard to hold your child to.

Also, consider that the reality in this economic world is that a kid who gets a college degree is going to be better able to self-support; but until they get the degree, most will need some family support because you just can't earn enough as a full time student today to do better than merely survive. What do you want for your child? Mere survival or every change to excell in college and become something more than they are today?[/quote]

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