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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here: thanks everyone. 
I should note it’s not that I want to debate but I just want to
talk about various topics and sometimes philosophical ones which can get a bit passionate. I like people who are cultured and not just one dimensional. [/quote]

OP, go to the places where other interesting and cultured people hang out and get to know them in the context of that and hopefully doing something fun. I ran into the same issue when due to an injury&illness I stayed home even before kids and had the same issue, even with people who didn't have kids and sometimes weren't even with anyone to try with... it becomes tedious and the lack of mental stimulation made me unhappy. There is only so much you can do alone and not have anyone to discuss with or bounce ideas around with.

It is a personality type and you'll find those same people who are quite 1D now have generally always been so. Sometimes, with the kids-obsessed and especially when the kids are older or even already full-blown adults with their own families, I find their behavior is driven by is anxiety or they did not feel loved, appreciated, acknowledged or whatever it is and having a child gets them that from other people. Sometimes it becomes enmeshment and they are very controlling.

That mother identity is their core identity and others haven't been cultivated or have been actively discouraged. They didn't get what they wanted or needed from other things or were prevented from pursuing them. Especially looking at my ILs and even their ILs, it is quite obvious that they are looking back and feel hollow, unable to let their children become independent and lead their own lives.  I don't tend to get along or enjoy spending time with people like that and think you will end up being bored as well.

Many interesting and well-adjusted people also have kids. Most of them work, I think, at least where I am now and you'll likely find them teaching or volunteering at places that reflect that regardless of your location.

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