I get it OP. I luckily have always had close childless friends and we talk more about intellectual and cultural stuff. I don’t mind talking about kid related topics but the baby stage was particularly boring for me. I am also a private school teacher and get a lot of intellectual stimulation designing curriculum and talking shop with my colleagues. As much as I sometimes wish I had the choice to stay home (because life logistics would be easier), I need this stuff to stay sane!

Anonymous wrote:OP here: thanks everyone.
I should note it’s not that I want to debate but I just want to
talk about various topics and sometimes philosophical ones which can get a bit passionate. I like people who are cultured and not just one dimensional.

OP, go to the places where other interesting and cultured people hang out and get to know them in the context of that and hopefully doing something fun. I ran into the same issue when due to an injury&illness I stayed home even before kids and had the same issue, even with people who didn't have kids and sometimes weren't even with anyone to try with... it becomes tedious and the lack of mental stimulation made me unhappy. There is only so much you can do alone and not have anyone to discuss with or bounce ideas around with.

It is a personality type and you'll find those same people who are quite 1D now have generally always been so. Sometimes, with the kids-obsessed and especially when the kids are older or even already full-blown adults with their own families, I find their behavior is driven by is anxiety or they did not feel loved, appreciated, acknowledged or whatever it is and having a child gets them that from other people. Sometimes it becomes enmeshment and they are very controlling.

That mother identity is their core identity and others haven't been cultivated or have been actively discouraged. They didn't get what they wanted or needed from other things or were prevented from pursuing them. Especially looking at my ILs and even their ILs, it is quite obvious that they are looking back and feel hollow, unable to let their children become independent and lead their own lives. I don't tend to get along or enjoy spending time with people like that and think you will end up being bored as well.

Many interesting and well-adjusted people also have kids. Most of them work, I think, at least where I am now and you'll likely find them teaching or volunteering at places that reflect that regardless of your location.

I guess my friends are just smarter than your friends are...also, I get a lot of intellectual stimulation from books and my husband.

Don’t lump all sahms together. There are also a TON of dumb-dumbs in the full-time working pool.

I’m sure you fashion yourself a real intellectual, but what you are is socially inept and pretentious.

Please get over yourself.

Anonymous wrote:I suspect once you are working again and thinking / talking about other things for 8+ hours a day, you will enjoy the commiseration of "mom friends" and a chance to talk to someone about your kids. And be very tired if if anyone wants to talk to you about work.

I am also a little curious why you are conflating going back to work with "philosophical debates" unless you are a professor or something? You have a very romantic idea of work!

I think this is a grass is greener type thing.

+1. I pretty much just work while I’m at work. I rarely talk about much of anything else there.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve come to realize staying at home isn’t for me. I’m transitioning out of the house and diving into a passion of mine-educationally that is. Anyways, I love talking with other people who enjoy debates, academia etc. The mom friends I have are the reverse. They are past this stage and if they could, they would stay at home. They enjoy talking about diapers, kid things. I find myself getting bored with talking too much about motherhood related things. Sometimes I feel like I need to fake it more to not come across so bored when someone is talking about Jrs. sleep regression. How do I balance being a mom and being intellectually stimulated ? Some women get it but I find it’s not the majority. Although the women I’m friends with are amazing and in managerial positions, they don’t love their job; it’s a job that pays the bills. So their kid is everything they want to talk about and I can’t always find interest in that.
Tips ?... I will say I have childless friends and we do dive into debates but I see them once a month.

I mean, maybe the reason you want to talk about your passion is that all you do is stay home and spend time with kids. I don't talk about my kids at work all day so I don't particularly want to talk about my work when I am home. The women who work ARE intellectually stimulated already because they are at work all day.

Also you sound kinda obnoxious- just because other moms talk about kid things with you doesn't mean they are one-dimensional and only talk about kids. People tend to talk about things they have in common- if it is kids they will talk about kids.