Reply to What grade would you give your parents and what’s the worst things they did

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[quote=Anonymous]From birth to age 18, I'd give my mom an A, possibly an A+.  She worked a pretty high-powered job where she was the only woman and she fought for part-time work when needed, teleworking (which was basically unheard of back then), and other benefits to support herself as a mom.  From a career perspective, she was an amazing role model.  She was also always available to me, and in fact acted a lot like a stay at home mom.  What I learned later in life was that she'd work when I was at school and then again at night after I went to bed.  She was otherwise there to take me to school most mornings (my dad did the others - I went to a private school with no bus), pick me up from school in the afternoon, and be there on the weekends.  She cooked and baked a lot and threw me the best parties (and lots of them, not just for birthdays, but doll tea parties and pool parties for no reason and gingerbread house making parties, etc.).  I learned later that she was a high-functioning alcoholic, and while she never endangered me or my brother (that I can recall), I did know at night sometimes she'd get a little "off."  After I went to college things imploded in my parents' marriage, her drinking became worse, my brother (who was significantly younger) started having issues and it was drama all the time, with my mom all of a sudden always taking his side and seemingly against me.  It was a bizarre turn of events, and our relationship has never recovered.  She tries to be involved now that I have kids (from afar - she doesn't like to fly), but we just have zero relationship because at the point at which we could have become more friends and less mother/daughter, she turned on me.  It makes me so sad to think that not only did I lose the great mom I had but my kids will never know her as that kind of grandma.  Now she's just the one we visit occasionally for short periods of time.  I don't know what to give her for my life as an adult because I know she has an illness and she does try.  But I can't unhear some of the things she said to me when she was drunk and she's never been a mother figure to me as an adult.

My dad I'd give an A+ for my whole life.  He has never raised his voice at me, we have never fought, he has always been my biggest supporter, and my husband and kids know how very much he loves them (as do I).  When I realize how much he must have dealt with with my mom's drinking I can't even imagine what things must have been like for him.  Despite being a trial lawyer, he was always very involved in what I was doing, he knew all of my friends and their parents, and we had a shared sport that we spent a lot of time doing together (him for fun and me competitively).  He has never once spoken a bad word about my mom, for which I am very grateful.  He makes a real effort to remain involved in my life and spends a lot of time with my kids.  I couldn't ask for a better dad.  [/quote]

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