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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Life has a funny way of changing people's perspective. I never ever thought I'd want to be a sahm. Still don't, but after the kids came along, I was torn in different directions. Life was stressful, so I quit and became a sahm for a year or so.  I didn't love being sahm, but it was the best thing for our family at the time.  It really reduced the stress. My DH didn't want me to be a sahm until after the second kid came along and saw how unhappy and stressful our lives had become. So we made some changes that allowed me to be a sahm for a bit.

Now, I have a really flexible job. Best of both worlds.

Also, my DH was a city person, and I wasn't, especially after the kids came along.  We compromised, and found a walkable suburb.

Unless you have deep rooted moral and life goal differences, like one person really wants kids and the other doesn't, you can make it work.  [b]Marriage is full of compromises[/b].
[/quote]

Staying home when you have kids solely because it's your dh preference is not a "compromise".

OP the stay at home mom crazies are out in full force today trying to justify their decision.

Whether you may or may not ultimately decide to stay home is totally irrelevant.  what's relevant is whether your bf is listening to you and hearing your perspective and ultimately is willing to let YOU decide whether or not to work after kids.  [/quote]
People make different compromises. She can choose to stay home for a year, then he can if he thinks one parent being at home with the kids is so important. That's a compromise.

I was just sharing my experience of perspectives changing when you actually have kids, and not just the possibility.  I never thought I would want a second child but after the first, my perspective on the one and done changed.

The way you feel and think now may not be how you think and feel later.  Life changes, and if you want a happy marriage, you have to be willing to change and compromise.  Marriages with either or both parties not changing, being flexible and uncompromising are the ones doomed for failure.[/quote]

Sure, of course that's true.  But it's pretty clear from the posts that the BF has no plan to stay home (i think OP said as much above, but can't remember now - she certainly said he would be the primary earner - so i think we can assume he's not planning on staying home with his traditionalist views).  So yes, people need to be flexible.  You need to plan for the possibility that one of you may change their mind about their future plans to stay home or not stay home.

But in OP's situation she would be going into the marriage already committed to do something she doesn't want to do. Maybe her views change after having a kid and it works out for her.  But you shouldn't count on it.

that is a vastly different situation than going into a marriage with the same plans that make both of you happy, and then your perspectives change based on having a kid so you compromise on the original plans.  [/quote]

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