Reply to Mental Load — All the Rage says men just flit it all away

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think this is very very common, and only moderately less common among my hyper progressive friends (man/woman couples). In my case, I think I achieve *something like* equality through a combination of my husband being extremely nurturing by nature, having only one kid and also working on this kind of background misogyny over many years before having a kid in the first place.

I definitely do the vast majority of high-level planning, and I loathe when women say “I like it this way because I have more control” or “it’s just my preference” without at least also noting that women are generally socialized to have paid attention to these details their whole lives.

But... in my case, this actually works out well, and with something like equity, because my husband does more than his share of *everything* else. So, I plan camps and doc appointments and keep track of my kid’s shoe size and literally pretty much everything like that— but my husband spends significantly more hands-on time with DC, is almost always the one to take time off work when she’s sick, handles 50-70% of drop offs and pickups, etc. AND— and I think this is important— he knows who her doctor is (and has taken her there when sick or injured), has input into camps and handles a lot of logistics, can figure out her shoe size without having to have his hand held, etc. He is a thoroughly competent parent and even took her on a multi-week international trip alone when she was 5 and had never spent 24 hours away from me... and I really didn’t worry at all. A trip which he planned completely (maybe I bought the plane tickets, but that’s it).

Basically I think we only have equal roles because he does more than 50% of everything besides the big picture planning.  If that’s not the case for other women partnered with men, then you’re not remotely 50/50. [/quote]

This sums up my relationship quite well, too. I'm more of the logistics coordinator, but DH is more of the "doer". He spends more time with the kids, takes them to more things, etc, even if I may be more likely to have actually scheduled the appointment, music class, etc. [/quote]

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