Reply to Mental Load — All the Rage says men just flit it all away

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Curious who handles all the bills and finances of the household?  In most I know it’s the dads, is that typical?[/quote]

As we close in on the year 2020, there really shouldn't be that many bills to handle. You can pay for most things on credit cards and then autopay the full balance every month (obviously the cardholder should be looking through periodically to make sure the expenses are valid). Mortgage payments, utilities, etc. can be automated as well. Handling the overall financial picture is not something that requires day to day input either. Maybe once/quarter or so. In my family, that's done by the mom because it is related to my professional training and experience. [/quote]

Sure you can automate paying utilities. But there's still work in setting it up, monitoring it, budgeting, assessing one-time purchases, changes as family finances change, etc etc etc.  It was never just about opening the envelope and writing the checks.  [/quote]

Maybe it's because I'm a financial professional who does things like mock up my tax return at the end of the year to make sure we've paid in enough well before filing time - but none of these sound particularly time consuming or onerous. Again, I'm the mom. [/quote]

Camp registration is just once a year, and while it is a busy season is probably on par to doing taxes and all the bills and account management.

We have many bills that we can’t automate (SACC, electric bill) and someone should still login every month and confirm nothing fishy.  So it’s on a schedule and detail orientated similar to other mental load items, but I thought most DH manage it — but I guess not?[/quote]
Yep.. DW here..  I do our taxes, and I also mockup my taxes and our retirement (we are self employed),  including paying our estimated quarterly taxes.  As a matter of fact, this week I will be doing our taxes for our business and personal.   The one time I asked him to do the taxes, he missed a lot of stuff. It was a mess.

I also do ALL of the summer camps for all of our children.  Most of our bills are paid online and scheduled. The few that aren't almost never gets paid by DH. It's me.

DH does almost nothing with our finances.  I check the bank accounts. I move the money around as needed. I pay attention to how much we've contributed to our kids' college accounts.  I also work FT.  I know the kids' clothing and shoe size. For the longest time, DH didn't. He does now because I tell him to take the kids shoes shopping.

I also remind DH to change the house filter.  I usually am the one who thinks about vacations and where to go.  It's not that DH doesn't care where he goes; he does. But, most of the time, I am the one who researches and takes the initiative. One time he planned a trip when his sibling was over; we got to the destination, and after lunch, he looked at me and said, "So.. what should we do?"  WTF? Yep.. I got mad. He planned the trip, so I assumed he looked at things for us to do.   I told him if he had wanted me to look at things for us to do, he should've told me before we left.   When we go on vacation, I go through the packing list with my kids -- though they pack their own stuff, they come to me and ask what should they pack and can I remind them what they might be missing.

There is almost nothing that DH reminds me to do. He does things when asked without complaint, but like the article, most of the mental load falls on me.  I will give him credit for taking on all of DS's boy scout stuff.  When he asks me to remind of him xyz later, I say, no.. I have too much to remember, and to put it on his calendar. I tell 14 yr old DS now the same thing.

I'm mentally tired. I've been having to remember things for myself, our kids, the house, etc.. for the past 14 years.  I have a few more years to go, and them I'm done.  My brain will be shut off for the at least a year.[/quote]

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