Reply to Vent about my sister just being a jerk

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My dad had major surgery this year. Luckily he is recovering and should be ok. However he said it’s important to him for everyone to be together this year for the holidays. My sister said she’d be there, but out of nowhere just sent us flight info for a vacation she’s taking with her husband. This isn’t some once in a lifetime trip; it’s a trip they take every year.

I just feel terrible for my dad, who she didn’t even give advance warning that she had changed her plans. [/quote]
This is the advance warning that she’s changed her plans.[/quote]

+1   How much notice is enough for you?  And don't meddle in it.  That's between your sister and your dad. [/quote]

She sent an email with the subject line "november/december trips." Then there was flight and hotel info. No explanation as to why she decided to travel rather than be with her family.

Does she owe us an explanation? No.

Would it have been the respectful thing to do? Yes. [/quote]
It sounds like she's not close to the family and none of us know why.  She probably felt guilted into agreeing to the holiday plans and then as your dad got better she rethought it.  She should have mentioned it to your parents (is it possible she did but you don't know that?) but perhaps her reason for not doing so goes into why she isn't close to the family in the first place (like, maybe they would have tried to hard-sell or guilt her into not going on the trip).  Bottom line is that your dad hoped that the family rift -- calling it a rift because sis seems so distant -- could be mended through a decree that everyone come home from Christmas, but he's going to have to take a different tack if that truly is his goal.  [/quote]

Yeah, I don't know why she isn't close to us. My parents both said they found out she had changed her plans via this email and they don't know why she changed her mind. [/quote]

Your parents must be in deep denial. She is making a statement with those trips. I will guess she is hurt and she does not want to play happy family. [/quote]

This. You could easily be talking about my DH. He sees his parents infrequently- has a terrible terrible relationship with them (particularly
His dad, but the problems with his dad have caused probs with his mom as well). His parents are equally as responsible for this rift (far more so than DH IMO but am trying to be fair) but are in denial and refuse to do anything to help heal the rift either. DH has tried. DHs brother and sister are in denial and guilt DH over it- DH has tried to explain but they just pile on and play the “poor mom and dad waaah” card, so he has stopped trying. IMHO it is very possible (if not likely) that different siblings have different and unique relationships with the same parents. If there is a rift, both parties nearly always hold some part of the responsibility..

Which is a long way of saying “butt out and MYOB”. Your sister probably has good reason not to come- she and your parents will need to work on their relationship and it has nothing to do with you. [/quote]

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