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[quote=Anonymous][quote]

1. I've considered if there is something else going on and I've asked and I'm having trouble unraveling the various statements. They have ranged from comments about anniversary gifts, to cars, to how her mom and dad do things...
2. I do ok but I'm not "wealthy."
3. Her dad turns over money to her mom. I don't think he turns all of it over but they have some kind of arrangement. Her mom is obsessive about money. She physically goes to the bank a couple times a week to check on it. I very frankly told her and her mom and her dad to their face that we would not be doing that sort of thing and I asked them to respect that. I am wondering if her mother is causing some amount of this issue behind the scenes. [/quote]

1. This is not something she would be able to answer herself, you'll have to figure it out on her own. 
3. Obsessiveness about money is to some extent cultural, and it's also super common among immigrants, who feel less secure. My suggestion is to reframe and remind her that you have an American marriage with American expectations, and possibly also be a little aggressive about pushing her to contributing more. I know a lot of people feel like owning property is a big deal, and by you owning a house, she can't invest money in property. She should therefore buy her own property and put the money she would have spent on rent into that property, so that she has something of her own, which will then make her feel more secure, but without cutting into your finances. Or, you could buy a joint property and leave your current house as an investment. Or some other thing. But what she is suggesting is a no-go, and I can't really understand why she's even suggesting it, unless she's regretting not marrying a Chinese man? I can't see how it won't occur to her that you wouldn't agree to this. Maybe she just wants to assert power in your marriage? In that case I would quickly try to shut that down. [/quote]

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