Reply to If your parents divorced, what did they do RIGHT?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can tell you what we do even though neither me nor my ex-DH come from divorce.

(1) Family events. We still occasionally do things together whether it's dinner, pool, hike, farm, etc. in addition to the regular birthday parties and special events. When I have the kids, I'll also do stuff with his family even if he is not there as we get along very well.

(2) We are very cordial and never speak negatively about or to the other in front of the kids.

(3) Free flow of "stuff' to each others' houses (e.g., things that came from him like clothes or toys do not have to stay at his house and vice versa)

(4) 50-50 custody with room for changes. Respect for the other's time. If I have to travel for work, he takes the kids, and vice versa. If he wants to go on a vacation, no problem, and vice versa. We give each other that space and opportunity.

(5) No introducing significant others to the kids without approval / meeting the other parent.[/quote]

NP here.  I am just contemplating divorce, and it sounds like you are doing a lot of things right.   But to be honest, right now I feel like if my husband and I  could do all of this, we wouldn’t be getting divorced.  How did you get to this place?  How long did it take? [/quote]

PP who wrote the above here. In my particular situation, he had an affair. Call it a midlife crisis. He refused couples therapy, made an immediate decision, and just honestly announced it one day. I would have stayed together so it was not at all my choice. There wasn't arguing/fighting or anything noticeably "wrong" from my point of view. There were things I'd change and challenges, like anyone, but I was blindsided.

So, it really was about both of us deciding to put our kids first. I couldn't hold on to anger or resentment because then I'd just be miserable each time we had to see each other. This transition was pretty much immediate, but it became easier for me over time. I think it was easy for him off the bat honestly because it was his decision to divorce. One thing we are very careful of, and were right away, is to be very respectful during the negotiation process. We negotiated between ourselves on terms and then had lawyers to just review the documentation and make sure our rights were protected. By starting on that positive note, given the dismal circumstances, it laid the groundwork for a new relationship going forward. [/quote]

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