Reply to How did you get your partner to understand a bedtime routine for your family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tell him that twice a week you are going to the gym at bedtime and once a week, you're joining a new bookclub (even if it's just you reading a book in a coffee shop).  He's on his own until he figures this out.  You are a crutch.  He's an ass.

I do think two adults doing bedtime is a bit overkill.  We split kitchen duty vs. bedtime.  Since Dh traveled some, I usually took kitchen duty while he did bedtime.[/quote]

He will never figure it out. She'll come back from gym or the bookclub at 10pm and the kids will be awake with their street clothes still on. Then OP will have to spend another hour doing bedtime by herself, and will still have the dishes & lunch to do.

Ask me how I know. I really wish I didn't know!

OP the ONLY answer is therapy.[/quote]

My DH did that one time when I had to work late. I came home to my toddler watching tv at 9pm and he said “She refuses to go to sleep!” I smiled, gave her a big hug and said “Remember how mommy said she was going to come home after you were asleep? Well I just wanted to give you a hug and I’m going back to work!” I smiled at my DH and walked right out the front door.

I ignored all my DHs desperate texts. His angry texts. His threatening texts. Everything. We have a video monitor so I went to Starbucks for a couple hours and made sure to check if my daughter was asleep. At 11pm, I checked into a hotel and sent him a text saying if he was going to keep the toddler up all night, he was also going to deal with the consequences of a cranky kid in the morning. He was alone with the kid and he had to deal. I think he ended up calling in sick the next morning, he was so miserable. He was over an hour late to drop off. I went to work and picked up my kid from daycare as normal.

We had an epic fight that evening. He was angry that I didn’t come help him. I was pissed he had taken such sh*tty care of our daughter. I told him if he wanted me to handle all the childcare, he needed to Man up and double his salary and I’d be willing to be a SAHM. If he didn’t want to do that then he needed to man up and take care of his own kid. The third option is we get divorced and he has to take care of the baby alone half the time. At the time, I had a weekly work commitment where I’d be home at 9pm. I told him i was going to go to the gym another night and he’d be on his own for bedtime twice a week. He had late nights a few nights a week too. If I hadn’t put my foot down, I would have been stuck doing all the childcare while my DH said “Aw shucks! I don’t know how to do it, I guess you have to everything!”

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you have ovaries of steel lady.  good for you! I wonder if my relationship would have survived if I had been more like you. unfortunately, I don't think so. My DH is very aggressive/petulant, so a confrontation like that would have must made him go apesh*t, and not actually created change.  [/quote]

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