Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if you say “hey Brad can you do bedtime while I wash dishes” or “hey Chet can you get Larlo into his PJs” Or whatever...what happens? I’m having trouble imagining exactly how this goes down.

He won't do it. That is what is going on here. I ask him, he knows I need help. I wake up in the middle of the night to do the dishes and make lunches. He knows this and does not care.

Anonymous wrote:Why aren't you capable of getting two kids to bed? 12 yr old babysitters can do this routine.

Anonymous wrote:I just make DH leave the house during bedtime. He's so disruptive that the kids always end up sobbing when he's around

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine. Counseling is a good idea. Your DH has failed to grow up.

Anonymous wrote:If you can't have a conversation with your husband about an issue like this - and have a give and take, where you hear and listen to his rationale, and have him hear and listen to yours - I would consider seeing a marriage counselor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that twice a week you are going to the gym at bedtime and once a week, you're joining a new bookclub (even if it's just you reading a book in a coffee shop). He's on his own until he figures this out. You are a crutch. He's an ass.

I do think two adults doing bedtime is a bit overkill. We split kitchen duty vs. bedtime. Since Dh traveled some, I usually took kitchen duty while he did bedtime.

He will never figure it out. She'll come back from gym or the bookclub at 10pm and the kids will be awake with their street clothes still on. Then OP will have to spend another hour doing bedtime by herself, and will still have the dishes & lunch to do.

Ask me how I know. I really wish I didn't know!

OP the ONLY answer is therapy.

My DH did that one time when I had to work late. I came home to my toddler watching tv at 9pm and he said “She refuses to go to sleep!” I smiled, gave her a big hug and said “Remember how mommy said she was going to come home after you were asleep? Well I just wanted to give you a hug and I’m going back to work!” I smiled at my DH and walked right out the front door.

I ignored all my DHs desperate texts. His angry texts. His threatening texts. Everything. We have a video monitor so I went to Starbucks for a couple hours and made sure to check if my daughter was asleep. At 11pm, I checked into a hotel and sent him a text saying if he was going to keep the toddler up all night, he was also going to deal with the consequences of a cranky kid in the morning. He was alone with the kid and he had to deal. I think he ended up calling in sick the next morning, he was so miserable. He was over an hour late to drop off. I went to work and picked up my kid from daycare as normal.

We had an epic fight that evening. He was angry that I didn’t come help him. I was pissed he had taken such sh*tty care of our daughter. I told him if he wanted me to handle all the childcare, he needed to Man up and double his salary and I’d be willing to be a SAHM. If he didn’t want to do that then he needed to man up and take care of his own kid. The third option is we get divorced and he has to take care of the baby alone half the time. At the time, I had a weekly work commitment where I’d be home at 9pm. I told him i was going to go to the gym another night and he’d be on his own for bedtime twice a week. He had late nights a few nights a week too. If I hadn’t put my foot down, I would have been stuck doing all the childcare while my DH said “Aw shucks! I don’t know how to do it, I guess you have to everything!”

Anonymous wrote:The title really says it all, but I am really struggling with my DH during this time. We have set a routine of bath, pjs, teeth brushing, books, bed. We have a 3 and 4 year old. He never helps at all. What does he do? Brushes his own teeth, takes the laundry downstairs, goes to another room to lay down. We have talked about that I need his help, but he just can"t do it. Makes bedtime so stressful and I am resentful. He has agreed that the routine is important, but he won't engage. It just makes me so angry and disappointed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that twice a week you are going to the gym at bedtime and once a week, you're joining a new bookclub (even if it's just you reading a book in a coffee shop). He's on his own until he figures this out. You are a crutch. He's an ass.

I do think two adults doing bedtime is a bit overkill. We split kitchen duty vs. bedtime. Since Dh traveled some, I usually took kitchen duty while he did bedtime.

He will never figure it out. She'll come back from gym or the bookclub at 10pm and the kids will be awake with their street clothes still on. Then OP will have to spend another hour doing bedtime by herself, and will still have the dishes & lunch to do.

Ask me how I know. I really wish I didn't know!

OP the ONLY answer is therapy.

My DH did that one time when I had to work late. I came home to my toddler watching tv at 9pm and he said “She refuses to go to sleep!” I smiled, gave her a big hug and said “Remember how mommy said she was going to come home after you were asleep? Well I just wanted to give you a hug and I’m going back to work!” I smiled at my DH and walked right out the front door.

I ignored all my DHs desperate texts. His angry texts. His threatening texts. Everything. We have a video monitor so I went to Starbucks for a couple hours and made sure to check if my daughter was asleep. At 11pm, I checked into a hotel and sent him a text saying if he was going to keep the toddler up all night, he was also going to deal with the consequences of a cranky kid in the morning. He was alone with the kid and he had to deal. I think he ended up calling in sick the next morning, he was so miserable. He was over an hour late to drop off. I went to work and picked up my kid from daycare as normal.

We had an epic fight that evening. He was angry that I didn’t come help him. I was pissed he had taken such sh*tty care of our daughter. I told him if he wanted me to handle all the childcare, he needed to Man up and double his salary and I’d be willing to be a SAHM. If he didn’t want to do that then he needed to man up and take care of his own kid. The third option is we get divorced and he has to take care of the baby alone half the time. At the time, I had a weekly work commitment where I’d be home at 9pm. I told him i was going to go to the gym another night and he’d be on his own for bedtime twice a week. He had late nights a few nights a week too. If I hadn’t put my foot down, I would have been stuck doing all the childcare while my DH said “Aw shucks! I don’t know how to do it, I guess you have to everything!”