Reply to paying for "extras" on top of child support

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "paying for "extras" on top of child support "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The ex is not supposed to be paying the sole cost of raising the child which many of you seem to think.  Yes, the mom needs to work and support her kid and the dad contributes not pays for everything! The mom is on a budget whether she wants to be or not and she can not afford all the extras. That's life.  So the extra summer camp she wants - she should either pay for it or forgo it.

And I say this as a divorced mom with a school age child who receives child support...[/quote]

Harsh.

OP, the norm seems to be to resent child support and to constantly try to link it to some weakness in the mom, instead of what it is -- money to pay for things for one's own child.

If this were your child together, wouldn't you want him to go to camp? Wouldn't you pay for it if you could afford it? Almost everyone I know would. Why is it any different for your DH just because he is divorced? He is still raising a child.

I wouldn't consider skipping camp for my kids if I could afford to pay it. And I rarely get child support so I pay for everything. Can you imagine thinking, about your own children, "I already pay for your food, clothing and health insurance. I'm doing enough for you."[/quote]

You missed the entire point.  [b]This child has two parents who are equally financially responsible and it is not exclusively the father/stepmom's responsibility to pay for everything [/b]- actually they a really paying double as their "share" is supposed to come from child support and then they are paying on top of that.  At some point, enough is enough.

We do now have a child of our own and I am not the OP, but I spend far more on his kids than I do on my own.  The priorities are different.  Would I choose not to send my child to camp.  I AM!  Its a luxury and at this point, getting money saved for his college is far moor important.  We also are not lavish on toys or anything else and [b]I don't even buy birthday or holiday gifts yet for my own child [/b]and always have my husband's.  But, at some point, you have to start saying no and setting some limits as dad isn't an endless money pit and mom has some responsibility.  And, it is OK to say NO to your children and teach them about money/be financially responsible.   There is far more I'd like to do for my child but there is need and want and there is a balance and my priority is my child's future and he has what he needs now but I am far more concerned about his future.  I will tell my child, I pay your food, clothing, health insurance and lots of extras and you have what you need.  That is great XXX has the coolest cell phone but your dad and I don't  and neither are you!  But, unlike XXX, this is my priority and I hope it will be the same when you have children.

[/quote]

I get basically no child support so your sad story doesn't really hit the target. The OP and her DH don't pay "double" -- they pay for a portion of the child's needs, and even if it's more than the child support amount, it isn't more than 100% of his needs -- which every parent should expect to pay when they have a child, and which the DH would be paying if he were not divorced. Even though it irks me that my DC's father is a deadbeat, I don't mind paying for absolutely everything -- because i am the parent and I would make sure my kids had what they needed whether someone else gave me half, a quarter, 100 % or none of the what that amount is. Child support is not 50-50, BTW. OP's DH may make more money than his ex does and not have physical custody, therefore he pays more. Visitation is not custody.

And you are not the OP. If you can't afford to send your kid to camp, then obviously it's not an issue -- the kid can't go. But the OP said they could afford it but were not liking the mom's tone or attitude about the request for money. Different scenario.

How old is your own child that you have never bought them a birthday or holiday gift? Please don't tell me you are talking about an infant when you say you are saving for college rather than sending them to camp.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics