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[quote=Anonymous]OP, first let me offer empathy. This all sounds unpleasant to be stuck between your father’s temper tantrum and trying to prevent your child from melting down.

Get out of the mindset of protecting your mom. She’s an adult who made the choice to marry your dad, stay married, avoid counseling, and enable certain behaviors. She’s just as strong and capable (if not more so) as you when it comes to arguments with your father.

As for the future, evaluate whether these trips are a good fit. It is hard to balance a young child’s needs against any group of adults, let alone a group that contains a checked-out bully prone to explosions. Is this really fun for you? Is it good for your child? Yes, there can be disappointment when you say “no,” but is that disappointment worse than the way you and your child feel on these trips? Is it worse than the behaviors being modeled for your child?

If you do choose to go, have copious coping strategies. Drive separate cars, stay in different hotel rooms or houses, bring lots of snacks. Plan an itinerary for yourself that leaves nap time for your kiddo, even if that means you won’t be with your parents all day. Do whatever you can to bring back more control over your situation, as you would have in your home environment. If it means making trips shorter, arriving in advance of your parents, insisting on traveling with DH, do it. [/quote]

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