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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are currently caring for my elderly inlaws. It's been about 5 years since caring for my parents...which was all consuming  while we were still working but had just become empty nesters. They passed  away.

Now we just retired and we are involved in a huge tsunami of issues my inlaws just got...much of it self induced because of denial. 
You would not believe our friends' comments:
"This is your retirement. You shouldnt be doing that."
" They created their own problems- don't enable them by going over there."
" Let him take an Uber to the radiology appt for chemo- it's not your job."
" You can never come out- what a shame they did this to you."
" Why can't your brother take off from work? Too bad!"

Their parents have died over the years. There's a sentiment of feeling "lucky" if parents have already passed that I seem to feel in many social circles.

We are becoming an entitled society. No empathy. Other people are throw  aways. They shouldn't be interfering in our lives, as we deserve to live ours in freedom....that is what the message is.

I do not love my inlaws. They are super PITA to unbelievable degrees. I still do not feel that it is my right to not help  them, and I am very saddened by those who do. Who will help us in 25 years?

[/quote]

I have watched many a relative become quite ill while being the chosen one for doing the most caregiving and receiving the most horrible behavior from their elderly parents. I have known quite a few people who received their cancer diagnosis within a year of being done caregiving for an elderly parent who was difficult. I think everyone has to find the right balance. As I have seen with my own caregiving empathy often leaves/detriorates as the brain ages and the parents will suck you dry emotionally and physically if you let them. It was a lot easier to do more for the parent who was pleasant. For the difficult parent it can leave an emotional hangover and physical symptoms. I think each person has to find what they can handle and part of that is dependent on the personality they are working with. Those who judge anyone doing caregiving should think twice. [/quote]

You've got to take care of you first.  Think of everyone that is relying on you.  Think of the ones who will be impacted if you get sick.

You need to exercise, eat right and do fun things.  The more positive energy you have, the more energy you have to share with others.

If that means an unreasonable older person is disappointed or cranky, oh well.  Yes, you love your parents and you want to spend time with them and you are happy to help them out within reason.  But martyring yourself and sacrificing your own health, well being and happiness is not good.  Do what you can.  if something doesn't get done perfectly it is not the end of the world.  Be kind to yourself.[/quote]

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