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[quote=Anonymous]My parents were in their late 30s / early 40s when they had me, their only child. My in-laws, about 12 years younger than my parents. Due to some issues with infertility, my DH and I did not start our family until our mid to late 30s.

We made the decision early on that we wanted to be a family that could survive on one income.  My DH had a steady government job, not the most lucrative early on, but dependable and enough to pay our bills - we chose to live quite a bit poorer than our contemporaries. My job paid considerably less and we considered that income "not to be counted on". When it came time to buy a home, we purchased a modest one based on one income alone, in case I needed to stop working. Which I did. This decision did help tremendously when our elderly parents were in need of help.

My father became terminally ill only a few years after I married.  I was 25, stopped working for nine months, and became - with my mom - the primary caregiver for my dad. If I had had small children at home, it would have been much more difficult. But being able to function as a one income family made the decision to help care for my father a lot easier. I realize that many families do not have that option, but it was a blessing for us. My dad passed away when I was 25, and I was responsible for most of the "arrangements" in seeing that through. In some ways it was very difficult, and felt overwhelming, as I had no siblings to ask for help in all of it. In other ways, it was easier, as I was the sole person making the decisions (along with my mom and according to her wishes, of course). I went back to work after my dad passed and I felt that my mom, who was in her mid 60s, was able to live alone.

My mom developed dementia when I was in my mid thirties, and eventually moved in with us while I had small children at home. She passed away when I was 38. By that point in my life, I had arranged the care and funerals of my father, grandmother and finally my mother. I grew up in a family with a considerably large "older generation" so this was something I had seen time and again - older aunts and uncles becoming ill, infirm, needing care either at home or in a facility. Yes, it was difficult, but we managed. I learned a lot about coordinating care with doctor's offices, hospitals, insurance companies, home health care, etc. at a relatively early age.

Now we are in our mid 50s and my husband is having to deal with the decline in health of his own parents, who are in their early 80s. Our children are in HS / college and relatively self sufficient, and I have the ability to alter my schedule as needed. I have one in law now dealing with terminal cancer and another who will probably not be able to live alone for very long should her spouse pass away. I have been through these hoops before, while this is rather new to my DH, who has not lost anyone in his close family and is having a hard time emotionally. Looking back, while I WISH that I had had many more years with my parents, who were wonderful people, dealing with their passing help me to learn to take on more responsibilities. Yes, it was hard, but frankly, I think it is harder being in your 60s when you are slowing down and less physically strong to provide care for an older person than when you are in your 20s and 30s.

Some people have a very hard time confronting aging and our eventual passing on. Let me tell you, handling my father's medical bills, insurance policies, health insurance, hospice care, funeral arrangements, etc at age 25 was eye opening. I do not want my children to have to go through all that blindly. Right after my dad passed, I made the decision with my mom that we would handle all funeral details for her and my grandmother ahead of time through a pre-paid arrangement with the local funeral home. It was a huge burden lifted knowing that was done, and I would do it for myself and my husband in a heartbeat, but my DH "does not want to deal with that yet". It is a lot harder having to handle those things "in the moment", believe me. In the end, I do not regret having older parents, and I don't regret BEING an older parent - but I do want to do all I can to alleviate the burden of elder care from my own children  as much as possible. All of us will have to deal with that at some point - the more proactive you can be ahead of time, the better. [/quote]

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