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Reply to "The Rage Mothers Don’t Talk About"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I was actually going to start a separate thread about this topic (though I'm not divorced or considering it). Yes, in today's society that's built around nuclear families with dual-incomes, mom's get saddled with everything most of the time (I know there are exceptions). And we're supposed to love it and feel guilty about working instead of frustrated with the domestic duties we never really had as kids.

It's hard to be fun when you're exhausted all the time...and when a fun "family" outing often results in your getting the kids ready and then coralling them throughout the outing while their dad just gets to enjoy the kids' joy.

Since this is the SN forum, I'll also share that DS has SN (though they have turned out to be much milder than the original dx suggested...or rather on the mild end of the range of what it could have been). For the first year, finding and coordinating the right therapies and specialists was like a second job. And, in many ways, I think the early interventions might be part of why he didn't end up with more delays. But DH was so devastated at the initial news that he was paralyzed...and now he likes to act like I just overblew everything and all of the therapies etc were unnecessary. You simply can't win...either your work is essential and doesn't need acknowledging since it's your job as a mother, or your work is unnecessary and the result of silly "women" priorities.[/quote]

What I don’t understand is why women are allowing this?  Did you go on to have a second kid?

Simply sit down and make a list of everything that has to happen to run your household.  Everything from scheduling cleaners to taking the dog to the vet.  Then talk and write down who is responsible for each thing.  Each spouse OWNS their responsibilities.  You don’t schedule the vet for your husband if that is his responsibility.

If he refuses to do these things then don’t have more kids, consider divorce and/or stop doing all of these things for him.  There may be some consequences from not handling everything but it will be worth it in the long run. 
[/quote]
Answers like these seem designed to ignore reality. I'm the PP you are responding to, and we do have a division of labor that includes certain things that DH is responsible for. But that division of labor was set before DS (who's our second and last) was diagnosed with SN and before older DD started kindergarten which has added a lot more juggling to our lives. DH is open to changing it, but it's not simple. I opted for the more flexible, WAH job...partially, just because it was available to me due to my having a more in-demand skill set. But making a change so that I am not alone with kids as much during their most difficult periods is not simple. We'd either need to move or DH would have to find another job...or most likely both. Or we'd have to significantly increase paid childcare, which I'm reluctant to do for multiple reasons incl. wanting to remain on top of DS's needs and development. We *are* looking into moving and DH changing jobs, but his specialization and industry if fairly niche and there aren't many alternatives...so we might end up trading a little relief for me for significant professional dissatisfaction and underemployment for him (not to mention a significant drop in our HHI).

All of these things are on the table for us, but they would bring stress and disruption of their own. Honestly, I'd be pretty happy with just a little more acknowledgement that the logistical work of parenting, especially the added logistics from SN therapies, is hard and draining and can feel frustrating even when we choose to do it in support of our kids. [/quote]

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