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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP again: thanks O - are there any other insights to share or red flags you saw in attrition to the divorce threats? My DH often gives me the silent treatment but pretends things are ok, then when u try to talk to him about something like childcare or travel he won’t talk, and when I ask him to make a suggestion, he accuses me of always “steamrolling” him - it’s like I ask him what he wants, he says he doesn’t care, so I am forced to make a decision and he later calls it steamrolling. Does any of that sound familiar? I guess it is classic passive agfeessive behavior?[/quote]

Not OP, but I could have written everything you did.  I'm trying to make things work at least for the short-term because we're not in a great place financially.  Now that DC is older, I'm focusing on my career and trying to work my way out of this mess.  I agree it's passive aggressive behavior.  I would add to the list:  lying about inconsequential (and later consequential/EA) things, not willing to "share" money (discussing anything financial is a nightmare), has never apologized for anything, and something it took me a weirdly long time to recognize is that he never compliments me on anything.  I don't ask him for input on things to the extent possible.  If I plan something to do with DC (even taking a trip), I'll say, DC and I are doing X on Y, do you want to come with us, and leave it at that.[/quote]

PP here: what do you think motivates someone to be passive aggressive like this and without empathy? I am PP and I am an empath and am constantly wondering if my DH is narcissistic.  I just wonder how someone can live without empathy toward their wife. Literally for me - whether it is my mom dying, a miscarriage, if I am emotional about it my DH threatens to divorce and says he is not sure if he can be with someone with “mental health issues.”[/quote]

DH had a crappy childhood (as did I, which is how I think I got here).  His whole family is passive aggressive.  I think his dad has depression and has always had it.  His dad has now been estranged from the family for several years.  I don't think they believe they don't have empathy.  I think they see the world a certain way and don't believe that anyone would see things any differently.  I'm sorry for your losses and that you don't have support from your DH.  [/quote]

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