Reply to Your biggest confrontation with a relative or IL?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother’s second marriage was to someone she met online and knew for fewer than 6 months before getting engaged. They lived thousands of miles apart and had spent about two long weekends together in person before the wedding.The guy gave me serious conman vibes. So I “spoke now” instead of “forever holding my peace,” but I did so well in advance of the wedding.

I thought hard about not attending the ceremony, but I decided to go. My feeling was that to skip it was to end my relationship with my mother. For the life of her husband, I stayed distant but supportive. We saw each other much less often, and I was less forthcoming about my personal life with her. We’ll never be as close as we once were, but it’s perhaps healthier for us both this way.[/quote]

So... was the husband a conman or not?  Were you wrong or right?[/quote]

Before the wedding he hit up a relative for money. That relative got sketched out and hired a PI. The relative claimed the PI’s report was bonkers but also never fully revealed what it found and won’t discuss it to this day.

Some things we don’t know because this man has since died. He didn’t take money or property from my mother, which was my chief concern. When he died my mother found several forms of identification in different names, which she can’t explain. He was kind of a mess —estranged from adult children, strained relationships with siblings and their offspring. It’s not surprising because, conversationally, he was willing to die on every petty hill. One particularly memorable Christmas he got into a spat with my FiL. If I had to guess, it was some sort of personality disorder because his sense of boundaries was clearly off.

To the person wondering why I distanced myself from my mom, it was because the remarriage caused me to see her differently. It wasn’t her first rash or difficult choice. As an example, when I was a child, she once flew out of state to become engaged to someone she had never met (they had mutual friends in common, and it was before the Internet days). That man decided not to pursue it for whatever reason. The wedding was so dramatic that it caused me to step back and realize that she’s a person who can be erratic and have a poor sense of boundaries too. While I love her because she’s the only mother I have, I can’t get too close because it’s extremely stressful.
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