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[quote=Anonymous]I’m a sahm with 3 children under 6. I can totally relate to your wife. Hiring help feels like more trouble than it’s worth right now. Having a housekeeper over means I have to declutter and get everyone out of the house (and with a baby on two naps a day that’s annoying). If I hire a sitter, I feel like I have to lay things out for her. Write down the schedule. Prep the food. Etc etc. Otherwise we’re both in the same place at the same time as I run the show and it’s not relaxing. Esp bc I don’t particularly like hanging out with 15 yr old babysitters. When we’re tag-teaming, I feel the need to make small talk... ask how her mother is doing... how’s lacrosse... and frankly, it’s exhausting.

As a PP mentioned, if she has ADD herself she’s not great with prioritizing things and time management. What should take a small amount of time could take hours and become a huge burden. Often the hours spent on these tasks (such as soccer coordination) yield very detailed, organized results though. Which is very much appreciated by other parents and perhaps gives her a boost of confidence? An area where she can feel successful! I have ADD and I speak from experience... 
Also, is she an introvert? I am. Which is part of the reason I struggle with mothers helpers. I want to do it alone or have it all done for me while I’m in another part of the house or out of the house. It zaps *more* of my precious energy to have a “helper” in the house who needs guidance and I’m expected to be friendly with. Easier to just do it myself. Plus I can do the whole morning routine in my pajamas without brushing my teeth if my neighbor’s teenager isn’t coming over.

It’s all about conserving energy. The only way I think I would feel true relief right now is if I had a phenomenal full time nanny every day and we had a very clear black and white division of labor. Every day you do x and I do y. We don’t talk about it. Let yourself in. I don’t guide you. This person already knows the routine and where to find anything needed in the house. So there is no additional mental load, setting up, planning, and no small talk. And bc they’d be a permanent fixture vs an occasional visitor, they wouldn’t feel like “company”. Which relieves pressure for us introverts. We often feel like we need to be “on” around anyone who’s visiting the house. Eventually permanent fixtures allow us to be “off”.

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