Reply to How to tell my mom to stop talking about my marriage and DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why would you let someone this toxic raise your child?[/quote]

I think this is cultural.  The OP says she's Asian and in general that background has such a cultural expectation regardless of which Asian country we are talking about, obviously some more than others.  The parents can be really horrible but the children just have to suck it up.  I guess for their background the DH not buying the groceries for the MIL is a big thing however the OP needs to tell her mother that this is the way they have decided to run their marriage.

Instead OP is hiding, she is afraid to be truthful with her mother so she is throwing her husband under the bus and letting her mother talk negatively about him, when she herself is probably not a very good daughter in law, in Asian standards.

Op you want to know how to deal with this internally because you are basically saying that because of your cultural conditioning you cannot speak up to your mother.  Well you'll have to take every bit of poison your mother throws at you and try to shrug it off, no matter how much it hurts or how much it damages your marriage.  Apart from not caring what she thinks which by the sounds of it you care very much means that I don't think things will get better until your child is older and your mother has returned home.

It's amazing in some of these cultures how atrociously people can be treated and how abusive behaviour will be ignored because it's family.  It's sad.  When in reality in a healthy loving family this behaviour wouldn't be present, it's so backward to me.  It just means that older women can go crazy with their meanness and no one pulls them into line. [/quote]

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