Reply to Issues to consider when inviting very ill FIL and wife to live in our home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I put my mother in a nursing home. Trying to deal with the issues in the nursing home, visiting often, being frustrated with poor care, and seeing her so sad and depressed also took a terrible toll and was time consuming. I felt horribly guilty when I visited and horribly guilty when I didn't. Signs of neglect were there and yet it was really hard to get her the care she needed. She basically stopped talking and sat staring out a window empty. She hated that after a full life, her last years and death were going to be spend in a setting where she felt uncared for and mistreated.

While my home life was busy and I felt that I had rationalized why a nursing home was best, if I could do it again, I would bring her home in a heartbeat. The pain and angst we both suffered and that I continue to feel (she has since passed away) will never go away. It was traumatic in the end and really took more of my time and mental energy than if I had brought her home and hired help[/quote]

That’s heat-wrenching.  Remember, though, it is easier to comparing what would have been better without knowledge of exactly how hard that would have been — how much time in cooking and cleaning and shopping, how frustrating to have no refuge or time away, and what orher needs or people in the household would have suffered some neglect by necessity.[/quote]

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