Reply to Issues to consider when inviting very ill FIL and wife to live in our home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What is the plan for MIL once FIL passes?

I would help them.  I'm currently in a similar situation and am having my parents move in.  My mother will live by herself if my father passes, though, and then my siblings will help her if needed later.  I'm pretty sure I'd make the same decisions even if I knew taking mom in now meant I'd have her forever, but I'm not totally sure.[/quote]

Step MIL is only 55 and able-bodied. She can't work however because FIL's needs are so great. So, we would have to assume (state clearly) that she would move out upon his passing. He may live for 10 years - we don't know! He is physically well enough, despite his many, many issues, to live for a while. His brain, however, isn't working well.

[b]She would have to care for him. We are not volunteering to care for him. [/b]Our house is a place to live. But, I know the lines would get blurry, and that's part of what concerns me.[/quote]

This is not realistic...

I bet MIL is already exhausted from caring for him alone. What happens in 5 years when he needs diapers... and help bathing... and also wanders around the house at night potentially getting hurt or turning on the stove and forgetting? Who’s going to drive FIL to appointments?

What’s the plan if MIL gets sick? I’m not even talking a major medical issue - what if she has the flu? Is she still going to be the only one changing diapers, bathing and babysitting FIL? What if MIL breaks a leg or arm? That’s at least 2 months where all his caretaking falls on you. What if she has to go out of town for a wedding/funeral/whatever? What if she has to go to a doctors appointment?

There’s about zero chance that you and DH don’t end up being directly involved in his care. You need to come to terms with this before you invite them to live with you. [/quote]

[b]It is if the three adults all pitched in.[/b]  I did it mostly alone.  It was miserable but doable.  The real issue was not having an aide and at some point not being able to leave the house due to safety issues which was an issue for my child/preschool, etc.  [/quote]

Take a look at the bolder in OPs post - she and DH do not want to pitch in - at all. They are only willing to provide FIL/MIL with a place to stay. They want MIL to be responsible for all of FILs care. — That is what I said is unrealistic.

OP either needs to come to terms with helping with FILs care or not invite them to move in. It’s going to lead to a lot of resentment if they move in and OP and DH end up having to do much more than they were prepared for. [/quote]

+1
“Just a place to live” concept is not happening[/quote]

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