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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When someone says they want to take us on a trip, what does that mean to you? DH and I have a preschooler, toddler and a baby and plan out our trips in detail and look forward to them. We try to do them cheaply, but everything is planned and we go great places. We can't afford more vacations right now than what we take (which is one big trip and a couple of small side trips here in the US). DH gets free plane tickets from work so most of our trips are international, but relatively inexpensive.

DH's family always want to take us on a trip. They don't want to come on our trips, however, because we've invited them. They're trips are planned horribly bad locations with no activities, the hotels are extremely expensive ($370 for a 3 star last time!) and they like bland restaurants. They constantly say they took us on such and such trip- except we paid! That $370 a night hotel trip for a week really blew our budget and resulted in credit card debt. We had thought they were paying for us and then at the end when we got the bill we were shocked at how unbelievably expensive the hotel was. We felt scammed because if they had gone online they could have paid 1/4 that. (They had checked us in, so we didn't know). This wasn't the first time that we thought they were paying and they weren't, but this was the worst we got burned.

They're begging for Disney but no way can we afford Disney right now (3 in daycare). They keep telling everyone about how they're going to take us to Disney. Thing is, if they wanted to pay, we'd go. But if we're paying, we don't want to go with them. They're not helpful with kids and everything would take forever. We'd also need a budget hotel and not the Polynesian for instance. If we're going someplace special like Disney I'd want it to be by ourselves so I could enjoy myself too versus being their babysitter while everyone else has fun. I feel like if they visited us occasionally here in DC or if they started helping more with the kids I could do more trips with them. Besides, if we're going to Disney with anyone, I feel like it should be with my parents since I grew up in Orlando and my dad worked at Disney. It's WAY more special to my parents.

DH isn't really on my side. He'd rather cut back retirement or our own vacations to appease his parents. Is there anything I can say to his parents since DH won't? [/quote]

OP, what did you and your husband say to your ILs when you got the bill when the ILs had previously said they were paying?

Most people would have called them out on it and if even then they refused to pay for what they agreed to, then it would be transparent that they didn't pay for what they agreed to. It would serve as clear grounds for never traveling with them again. Instead you're helping them to cover up for their story they like to believe that they take you on trips because you let this slide and instead privately stewed. You and your DH have issues that you don't even see. Please seek counseling to get understand how you're enabling this and to get your DH's priorities straight so you're both on the same page. I mean this in a kind way because you deserve more support from your DH.

OP, what do you say to "everyone" when you hear that your ILs told them they're taking you to Disney?

Most people would be honest and say that the last time the ILs "took you on a trip" they stuck you with a huge bill at the end. Again, you're helping them cover for their story so they get the benefit of looking like the magnanimous grandparents when they're not, and instead you're getting stuck with the bill and privately stewing again. Please see that you're enabling this because right now only you and DH are paying the price and you're actually helping them to keep up this charade. Your ILs are controlling and manipulative. You're not calling them out for not really "taking you on a trip" so they're continuing with this insanity that benefits them because you and DH thus far have continued supporting this crazy game too. So they keep bragging to relatives that they're treating you.

People have been visiting their grown children and grandkids for centuries. There's nothing old school about expecting you visit them but not the other way. The issue is that they're jerks; not that they're old school.[/quote]

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